Paula, Donna, and Harvey
by Carebearmaxi
Summary: Set after 7x10. How Donna and Harvey deal the next day with Jessica's disbarment and their kiss. I promised myself I would not write a fic for 7x10, but I could not help myself. Please read and enjoy. Will put other chapters up shortly.
1. Chapter 1

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Paula quickly walked up to Harvey as he came into the apartment. She stood a little on tiptoes to reach his lips as he quite a bit taller than she although she was not short. She had taken off her heels and was padding around his apartment wondering what to make them for dinner. Harvey's kiss was quick and almost non-existent as if his mind was drifting somewhere else.

"Harvey, everything go all right today in court? Oh by the way, I saw Jessica was here. I didn't know your former managing partner had a key to your apartment."

Harvey shook his head to bring his mind out of the cobwebs or more like out from the kiss that Donna had laid on him when he walked into her office to tell her about Jessica.

"She doesn't but the doorman and security know her and always let her in to my place. What did she say to you?"

Paula padded back around and removed Harvey's suit jacket from his shoulders and placed it over the chair at the kitchen bar. Then she went around to the other side and stirred a pot of what looked like beef stew.

"Nothing much. I was right, though, she is a hell of a woman. No wonder you consider her an important person in your life."

"Paula, we need to..."

"It's Shepherd's Pie when it's finished, Harvey. No need to be afraid just an old traditional British dish," Paula said proudly. She loved cooking and wanted to show Harvey some of her favorite dishes as he had showed her some of his. In the last two months, Paula could not have been happier with Harvey. She felt he was feeling the same. Although today he was off his game. Changing his tie three times within ten minutes said a lot about what he was feeling and thinking about this morning. Despite what he said regarding Louis, she instinctively knew it was because of that man coming after Donna.

Harvey decided to shelve the talk with Paula until later. Besides she looked so happy to be cooking him a meal, he did not have the heart to tell her what he had to tell her.

After Donna escaped her office leaving Harvey standing there stunned, she hoped, she quickly went to the roof to think about what she did. The cool air up top would help pinpoint why she was determined to not only tell Harvey what she wanted him to know but show him. Action was always the only way to get him to fight back. Heaven knows words never worked. Last time words including those three words that every woman wants to hear from a man she's in love with only drove them apart because she expected him to explain the "how".

Since reconciling with his mom, Donna thought Harvey had changed and become more calm less driven. His drive to be the best lawyer in the city had not diminished, but he was more calm and able to deal with things with a little more thought and less antagonistically. It helped having Mike become a "real" lawyer. Harvey no longer had to worry about their secret coming out in the wash. It had been there and their penitence paid by Jessica taking the bullet as any mother hen would for her chickens.

Donna stayed on the roof until Louis found her. He was thoughtful enough to bring her coat with him. She looked over and saw him. He could visibly see her relief that it was he and not someone else.

"I thought you may need this," Louis said assisting her as she put her arms in the sleeves and gathered it over her shoulders.

"Thank you, Louis. That was thoughtful," Donna said and then turned back gazing at the artificially lit skyline.

"Did you talk to Harvey?" Louis asked.

"Not really. He came to tell me something and then we got distracted and I left suddenly," Donna said. She then shook her head.

"By the way, how did you know I would be up here?"

"You found me when I was lost in thought about Sheila, so I figured with what happened in court with Harvey I would find you up here. Besides good friends think alike," Louis said joining her in gazing at the skyline.

"It is beautiful up here," Donna said. "The perfect place to lose oneself for a little while until you realize you have to go back to your life downstairs."

"I thought Harvey had taken care of Malick?" Louis said.

"Yes, he did." Donna said very quietly.

Donna shook the cobwebs out of her head again and turned to actually face Louis.

"What was it you needed to tell me?"

"Jessica is being disbarred by Malick for taking the bullet for speaking up about knowing Mike was a fraud. Jessica flew in and talked to Harvey and convinced him that her name be taken off the door."

"Oh my...," Donna said and bowed her head holding her forehead in her hand. Her head came up and she said almost inaudibly. "That's the news he wanted to give me."

"What was that, Donna?" Louis asked.

"Nothing. So what did you and Harvey decide to do?"

"Well, we briefly discussed her buyout but we can't take a full vote unless all the partners are present and that includes you, Ms. COO."

Donna gave a little laugh and a brittle smile to Louis. "Of course. Harvey wasn't able to tell me because we didn't have much time to talk, so he didn't tell me about Jessica and the ramifications behind her being disbarred in New York."

"Oh, I guess we'll have to meet tomorrow sometime. Say, aren't you cold yet?"

"No, not since you brought me my coat. However, if you are cold, go ahead and go down. I'll be fine. I promise."

Louis came and held her arm.

"Just like you told me when I was thinking about Sheila, I'm not going to leave you alone until you let me know what's going on or at least tell me you're not going to jump."

Donna smiled at the memory of the other day when she found Louis standing up in despair over Sheila marrying another man. She had just had a shock that Mark her former boyfriend had told her he was married while they were having a romantic lunch. Apparently, it seemed Sheila had given Louis the same indecent proposition that Mark had given her. Donna wanted to avenge her feelings for Harvey and almost became the other woman willingly. Donna found her last shred of self esteem and had not gone through with it. However, Louis, did; and it made him feel terribly guilty. Hence he sought refuge on the roof.

Similarly, now, Donna found herself in the same position as Louis except it was not at Harvey's invitation and at least it had not gotten so far as sex. Donna knew the minute her lips touched his. Nothing had changed. She was still in love with him and wanted him so badly to be hers. She hoped Harvey could figure out what he wanted. Donna really thought, perhaps, she had felt a response in him. Before she had let go, he leaned into her. Before he had realized it was her kissing him, she could swear he had responded. However, now, he was in a position that she never wanted to put him in.

Donna kept telling herself she kissed him because she "had to know". However, did she need to know her true feelings or his? Time would only tell. She hoped he would not hate her now for putting him in that position. She had endured the callous side of Harvey Specter the last time their feelings had surfaced and his words not defined enough for her to respond properly. He had dropped "You know I love you, Donna" last time twisting her stomach in knots for ten or more hours the next day. It was not exactly that she had said, "I love you, Harvey, and I want you; so tell me now."

Maybe she had been ambiguous to him waiting for him to make the move that would catapult them together or drive them apart for good. It was she then letting him make a move or not. All she knew was that she could not go on like that. Especially since it looked like he may be permanently with Paula. She wanted one last chance to hopefully either make him realize he loves her like that or to tell her once and for all that he had moved on and so should she.

Donna took Louis' hand as she began to walk toward the door which led back to reality.

"Come on, Louis. We have to be ready to help Harvey in the morning."

"You mean help ourselves."

"Perhaps that is what I meant," Donna said quietly continually thinking of her desparate feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 2

Harvey woke up and jumped because he had forgotten that Paula had spent the night at his place. She had tried to coerce him into taking the day off, but when he explained about Jessica she knew that she would be on her own today. Harvey wished that he had said something about what had happened the previous night with Donna. Harvey was still thinking about the kiss and how Donna had put him in this position knowing full well how he felt about such things.

One thing that he was not expecting was that his sex dreams about Donna had returned. It was strange but they were more intense then they had been in the beginning. Luckily, Paula was too tired to have sex last night. He tried his best to be affectionate as they were going to bed, but he was having a hard time. He glanced at her and all of a sudden she felt like a stranger in his bed. It was not like he wanted Donna-or did he? He wished he had someone to talk to about this. It was odd for the once womanizing Harvey Specter to be confused about two women. It was not the women. It was those stupid things called emotions.

Harvey kissed Paula's forehead as she slept. Fortunately, she was a deep sleeper so he was able to get out of bed and prepare himself for work. Paula had no patients today, but she said she was returning home to work on some case files and prepare for her patients for tomorrow.

As Harvey was straightening his tie, he heard Paula wake up.

"Good morning, love," Paula had said in her singsong British accent.

"Good morning, Paula. I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I just felt a coldness next to me so I knew you must be up and about."

Harvey retrieved his suit jacket and put it on as he finished Paula had come up behind him and put her arms around him. Harvey gently disengaged himself from her embrace. Of course, she would notice something was off.

"Harvey? What's happening?" Paula asked as she watched him walk past her.

"Nothing's happening," he lied and felt terrible not blurting out his conflicting feelings since Donna's kiss.

Paula came up to him again and searched his face to see if she could tell what was happening with him. Normally she was finding it easier and easier to read him, but this time he was definitely holding a poker face-no tells.

"Look. We'll talk later. I promise," Harvey said as he stepped forward and kissed her forehead again and walked swiftly out of his own apartment.

As soon as he closed the door behind him, he leaned agaist the wall holding still and felt that old panic attack begin. He was sweating profusely and he felt like he was going to vomit. He swiftly walked down the hallway to the main elevator. He prayed the car would go straight down to the street where he knew Ray was waiting for him. He pulled a little on his necktie trying to release imaginary pressure there.

"You, okay, boss?" Ray asked after seeing Harvey enter the car. His face was flushed and he seemed to be hyperventilating.

"Just drive, Ray. I'll be fine. I just need some water," Harvey said reaching for the bottle of water which was stashed in the back of the car for his use.

"We'll be at the office in a jiffy," Ray assured him.

"Thank you, Ray. I appreciate it." Harvey said grateful that there was at least one person who would not pump him with questions on his feelings.

Harvey sipped the water from the small water bottle and dreaded and yearned to see Donna again.

Donna sat at her desk in her office and the memory of the mistakenly given kiss kept driving her crazy. She was so in love with Harvey and always had been. That kiss had definitely put it to the forefront. She wondered what his state would be when he arrived. Just at that moment, Louis said that they were meeting in Harvey's office and that he had arrived.

"Ok, I'll be there in a minute. Is Jessica here?"

"Yes, she's in Harvey's office as well," Louis said. "Are you okay? Still recovering from your trip on the roof?"

"Something like that," Donna responded and blinked an errant tear from her eye. She walked next to Louis a bit taller in her stilettos. She was looking at Louis as she entered Harvey's office. She looked up at Harvey when she entered his office and knew at once he had little sleep. His perfectly coiffed hair had not been redone with even more product and his tie was a little to the left as if the stiffness from his old "basketball" injury had returned encumbering his ability to tie his own tie.

"Donna," Harvey simply said looking at her and nodded acknowledging her presence.

"Harvey," Donna said. "Jessica, I am so sorry." She hugged Jessica who had been standing in front of Harvey's couch which looked like where the meeting to hash out Jessica's buyout would take place.

"It's ok, Donna. I'm good with it, and I would do it again for Mike," Jessica said looking at Donna.

Suddenly Mike came in and immediately went over to Jessica and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry, Jessica," he said.

She came out of the embrace and stood her full height and looked him straight in the eye.

"I don't ever want to hear that come out of your mouth again. You are worth it. You are going to be a fantastic lawyer. No, you are a fantastic lawyer," Jessica said and smiled and then hugged Mike again.

"Thanks, Jessica," Mike said. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"Bye guys," Mike said as he left the partners to contemplate Jessica's buyout.

As Mike walked out of Harvey's office, it was not lost on him that there was tension between Harvey and Donna. Harvey looked like he had had a panic attack and Donna looked like she had been up all night crying. He guessed Donna was right when she had told him that she and Harvey did not want to be together. It was a shame because he, perhaps only he, knew how much Harvey loved Donna and would have done anything for her; seemingly, except the one thing she wanted-to be coupled with him. He would have a talk with Harvey because Harvey looked like he had lost his best friend in the world. Mike shook his head ruefully and thought to himself: _Harvey sort of lost his best friend when his best friend told him she was in love with him._

Mike's phone rang then and he picked it up since he had not hired a secretary yet. He was thinking of hiring Amy if she were not using her Ph.d. in psychology anywhere because he would not mind her working for him again. She had been like Donna in her secretarial skills and calling him out on his shit.

"Mike Ross," he answered.

"Mike, it's Paula," Paula said.

"Paula. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering. Do you know what happened yesterday at court with Donna?"

"Didn't Harvey tell you?" MIke asked fishing.

"No. As a matter of fact he didn't say much of anything. He came home. We ate dinner and then went to sleep. I know something is bothering him and I can't seem to get him to tell me what's happened. Can you help?" Paula asked.

"Other than Donna being grilled over the coals yesterday, I don't know what else could be bothering Harvey. Truly, I don't". He did not.

"You're sure?" Paula continued to fish.

"Yes, Paula. I'll make sure that Harvey talks to you when he gets home. That's all I can say for now," Mike offered.

"Thank you, Mike. You're a very good friend to Harvey."

"Well, it works both ways".

"Goodbye, Mike."

"Goodbye, Paula."

 _Harvey, what the hell happened? Did you screw it up again? Are you nuts? I know you're in love with Donna. How could you not be? Paula over Donna? Are you kidding yourself? You must be._ These and other thoughts kept running through Mike's brain. Just one look and he knew that Donna must have told Harvey and now he felt bad because, perhaps, he doesn't love Donna like that. It must have broken her heart for the umpteenth time because Donna looked haggard and tired. Two words that would never have been uttered from his mouth if Mike had had to describe Donna Paulsen.

The meeting was finally over. Each partner shook hands and hugged Jessica and promised they could not wait to travel to Chicago to see her in her new digs. Of course, Jeff would be there also.

As Jessica stopped at the bank of elevators she noticed her name gone. The wall read Specter Litt in big gold letters. Stoic and strong as ever and with one more look at her former partners, the mentor of Harvey Specter and the last original partner of PearsonHardman boarded the elevator and walked on to start her new life in Chicago.


	3. Chapter 3

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 3

Donna returned directly to her office after Jessica said goodbye. Harvey tried to reach out to her by touching her arm, but she avoided his touch and avoided his look by not looking at his face. Considering how much she craved Harvey's touch and loving looks lately she definitely did not feel like herself. It was taking every ounce of inner strength not to run the other way and down the elevator and back to her apartment to drown herself in tears and self-pity. She dreaded speaking to Harvey yet she needed to hear from him what his feelings were-if he could express them after last night and spending the night with his girlfriend- the therapist!

Harvey stood for a minute and watched Donna walk away from him. He only reached out to gently steer her into his direction as he wanted to speak with her somewhere more private than the glass doors and windows of their adjacent offices. She purposely moved out of his reach. Harvey just watched her as she walked away and pretended not to see him. In truth he had much work to do, however, he would have to wait for the COO's help later.

Instead of venturing back with only his thoughts nagging at him for company, Mike followed at his heels.

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to ask you what's going on between you and Donna?"

"Nothing is going on between me and Donna," Harvey answered just a little to defensively.

"Come on, Harvey, you look like shit and Donna looks like she's been crying all night. Besides I think I know what happened," Mike said.

"What happened, then, if you know so much," Harvey said angrily as he picked up some files off his desk and turned away toward the far wall where his record collection sat neatly on shelves built into the wall for that specific purpose.

"She told you she loved you and wanted to be with you, didn't she?"

Harvey turned to glare at Mike.

"No, she didn't tell me anything. I went into her office to tell her of Jessica's disbarment and she moved so quickly that it took me by surprise. She kissed me," Harvey finished softly and looked away with a sorrowful look.

"So what happened?" Mike was surprised and not surprised. It was about time someone made a move for them. Donna has waited and waited and obviously words were getting them no place.

"Nothing," Harvey said with sad eyes. "She told me she was sorry, but she had to know. Then she walked determinedly away from me and out of her office. Leaving me feel like I just cheated on a woman who has been nothing but kind to me."

"Kind to you?" Mike said loudly. "Paula was paid to be kind to you, remember? Donna has loved you ever since she met you. I am pretty sure you feel the same if you would let your anger out and your walls down and accept it! You cannot possibly feel for Paula the way you have felt for Donna for as long as I can remember."

"Yeah, Mike tell me how I feel about Donna! I didn't know that memorizing minds was part of that fabulous brain of yours! I'm at the end of my rope and, furthermore, this is really none of your Goddamn business! Last night I went home and I wanted to be honest about what happened, but I couldn't. Paula was so happy to be cooking for me and happy that she met Jessica at last. I couldn't do it. I wanted to talk to Donna after Jessica left, but she's avoiding me," Harvey turned toward the window and looked at the bleak sunshine illuminating the buildings in funny shaped shadows. His heart felt sharp like some of the jagged shadows showing black against the skyscrapers.

Mike said quietly," Tell me what you want to say to Donna."

"You sound like Paula and her psychobabble." Harvey said still turned toward the window. "I can't, Mike. It's too complicated."

"You've made it complicated. Your feelings and Donna's feelings cannot be that complicated. You have known each other too long and avoided the subject for too many years."

Harvey lowered his head and still not facing Mike started to speak, "Mike, now that I really think about it I have loved and wanted Donna ever since I can remember. We spent one night together about a million years ago, but I have never forgotten it. The day after I begged her to come work for me. She seemed disappointed because I told her "I didn't want to know what kind of lawyer I would be without her" I should have substituted the word "man", but I was too self-oriented and had too many goals to think that perhaps I was afraid to tell her that I was crazy about her and wanted her to stay in my life but just not without any strings."

"So why didn't you rectify things later on. I am sure you had every opportunity," Mike said.

"The day she decided to come work for me was the day she instituted her rule. We would never talk about "the other time" and that she would not work for me as long as we were together romantically. I respected her enough to follow that rule. Many times I've regretted it, but I thought that's what she wanted."

"Harvey she broke that rule when she became involved with Stephen Huntley."

"I know and I called her out on it," Harvey looked at his reflection in the window as the sky had gone dark and the ceiling lights manufactured his reflection. "She coerced my admission to say that her relationship with Stephen bothered me."

"Why did it bother you?" Mike asked.

"I was jealous. She was spending time with him and away from me. I felt that it should have been me. I know that's selfish, but I have always been that way when it comes to Donna.

"Because you love her," Mike added quietly.

"Yes, I guess that was it. I guess I just kept denying my feelings."

Mike stepped forward and placed a hand on Harvey's shoulder. Harvey did not want to face Mike because he would have seen the tears welling in Harvey's eyes due to the lost and wasted time that instead could have been spent having a life with the woman who had captured his heart so many years ago.

"I was jealous, Mike, and I had no cause to be. There had never been anything hard and fast between us. I asked her why she broke the rule with Stephen and she said, "'I have to live my life, Harvey. I'm not apologizing for who I am."'

"Don't you see? Stephen was the British you except not a murderer. She wanted to have him because she couldn't have you. Do you not think, perhaps, that is what you are doing with Paula?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I do have some feelings for Paula, but, again, I don't know if they are in place of not having Donna. Why couldn't I just be the kind of man that Donna thinks I am? I could have said that we can have our cake and eat it, too, especially after I told her I loved her."

Mike's head whipped around so hard he had to rub the back of it.

"You told Donna you loved her?"

"Yes, he did," Donna said leaning against the doorjamb of Harvey's office with her arms crossed in front of her. She had on her COO blue silk power pantsuit on today. When Donna got dressed she had figured that since Harvey had not actually called her with any kind of reaction and just went home to his psycho babble girlfriend she may as well stop looking pretty for him. Instead she would dress and carry herself as an officer of the firm.

"Donna!" Mike said turning around.

"Donna," Harvey said and closed his eyes because she had probably learned everything he had told Mike by telepathy or her uncanny knack of knowing everything.

"Mike could you leave us alone now? Please?" Harvey asked.

"No, Mike, stay. Please. Let me tell you what happened when I offered to break my rule for him. The night we celebrated how he averted jail for me for my large faux pas with Liberty Rail. I invited him to stay the night with me, and he declined. While on his way out the door, he told me "You know I love you, Donna." He then walked out of my apartment and avoided me the whole next day."

"Donna, that's not fair. I couldn't find you because you were helping Louis with Norma's death."

"Would it have mattered? As I recall when we did see each other later that day you told me you loved me because you wanted me to feel better."

Harvey shook his head. "You forget later on that night when you returned I told you that 'you were one of the most amazing women I ever met'. Then you walked out but not before telling me that you were leaving me and going to work for Louis."

"Because I asked you how you loved me and you couldn't tell…me," Donna said bursting into tears. She turned away quickly and placed her hand over her mouth so Harvey and Mike could not hear her cry out and break down.

"Ok, so how do I excuse your recent behavior when you know what kind of position this has put me. You, above anybody, know what difficulties I harbor because of my mother's abhorrent behavior."

Mike slipped out the door at this juncture because he really felt like it was none of his business now. All he wanted to do was to make his friends as happy as he and Rachel were. Mike was not sure if this would happen now since both of them seemed to be swimming in mucked up waters.

After Mike left, Donna remained with her back to Harvey. He turned around and wanted to comfort her, but he was afraid. Afraid of what he was not sure. Afraid of letting her know how long he had been in love with her? Afraid to try and have a relationship with knowing how complicated it was already between them and the position it put them?

If they did the unthinkable then everything Malik had implied would seem true. The rumors were only bearable because they were unfounded. Harvey took a few steps toward Donna with the yearning to feel his lips on hers again and to hold her against his body tantamount to any conscious feeling of infidelity to Paula. However he only came as close as to stand behind her and fill his nostrils with her perfume and familiar Donna presence.

"What was it you had to know?" He asked quietly.

Donna sniffed and strangled a sob. She straightened and stood tall as if facing an adversary not the man she loved more than life itself.

"Do you really want to know, Harvey? Will it make a change in our lives if I admit to you what I what I wanted to know or will it only drive you to the woman whom you claim you have to be loyal," Donna said trying not to sound bitter.

"I don't know, Donna. Can't you tell how hard this is for me? You've placed me in a position where I don't want to be. So, tell me, please," Harvey pleaded.

"No, I'm not doing this again. Feeling and speaking for the both of us. You tell me what you felt when I kissed you and then I will tell you if it matched mine," Donna said and then took two paces toward the window and looked out at the burgeoning cloudy sky.

"What? How was I supposed to feel?" Harvey threw up his hands.

"Come on, Harvey. It's not that hard," Donna almost laughed at how he still wanted to deny he felt anything. She knew he must have felt something or else he never would have leaned his body into hers before she let go or had found it so hard to tell her of his serious relationship with Paula in the first place.

"Look, Harvey, I will make it easy for you, again," Donna said turning around. She shook her head and spread her arms and continued speaking.

"If you felt nothing for me when I kissed you and you claim you're now in love with Paula. I will move on. I'm not sure how, but I will. I love my position here, but I can't stay here. It would be too painful because that kiss cemented to me how much in love I am with you and have been for the last twelve painful years."

"Donna, I can't give you an answer now. All I do know is that I did feel something when you kissed me, but I have to work it out between Paula and me. I need to let her know what's happened. Until I see how it is between she and me; or if I come to the realization that you are the one I want, I can't promise you a straight answer. Do you understand?" Harvey asked trying to see as she turned around if she understood.

"Ok, Harvey, have it your way. You won't admit to me things I know you are burning to say. So just say them. You never seemed to care before if you hurt me with words. Why start now?"

"What do you mean? I don't want to hurt you any more than I have already," Harvey shot back.

"Well, you know what, Harvey? This COO is taking a much needed day off again. If you need me at all, don't call me. You got that?"

Donna stomped out the door, back to her office, and grabbed her purse.

Harvey watched her walk past on her way to the elevators.

Donna went straight down and left the building.

Harvey also left the building.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey! It's me! I just want to thank everyone for the response I'm getting on this little reactionary story! Can't wait until January and I hope that what we Darvey shippers want finally happens! Please R & R. I look forward to your responses. Thanks, again - Carebearmaxi**

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 4

When Donna left the firm, she immediately got into a cab and headed for Dr. Agard's office. She figured that if Harvey was too afraid to tell his girlfriend what she did then she would do it herself. At least it would be out in the open and they all could deal with the fallout.

Halfway to Dr. Agard's house, Donna changed her mind and went back to her own apartment. _It would be no good for me to confront her as much as I want to just punch her in the face. It would only further damage my relationship with Harvey. I can't act childish as long as his feelings are still unresolved although I know how loyal he is. So, I probably will lose him anyway. I guess my tenure as a COO is over. Short but sweet. Unlike my feelings for Harvey, I have loved him for so long and I will remain in love with him. He's a tough act to follow._

She threw her purse across the room after she slammed the door behind her. She kicked off her high heels and invaded her wine closet and set about making herself so sleepy so that not even a nuclear warning could wake her. First, though, she would take off her expensive powersuit and put on her most comfy pajamas and slippers and shrink in her bed.

After Donna got into bed and poured herself her third glass of wine, she decided that self pity would not get her anywhere. However, her head hurt badly from bottling up her tears and too much wine and not enough food. She started to cry hard now. The body wracking sobs were so bad that she grabbed a pillow and held it against herself. Just when she was about to cry herself to sleep. She felt two arms engulf her.

Harvey left the firm and thought the first place that he should go would be to see Paula. He could stand this deception no longer. He was still angry with Donna for putting him in this place where he always tried so hard not to be. Through everything he still was not sure if he was in love with Paula or Donna. He really thought it tasteless now that he had to speak with one woman about the other. Lord only knew what psycho analysis, Paula would say about Donna. One thing for sure, he knew that Donna did not care for Paula.

He had Ray pull up in front of Paula's house. It was about four p.m. and the rain which he could not quite see from his window on the 50th floor rained down on him as he worriedly jumped up Paula's front door steps two at a time. He knew her last patient would have left around 3:30 and then she would be doing paperwork for a couple of hours. He couldn't remember if she was to come over his place tonight or he hers or if they weren't seeing each other tonight at all.

Harvey used the key she had given him (in the little box on their two month anniversary)walked in the door and was glad to see that she was not in the downstairs portion of the house. He wiped the sweat from his brow and loosened his tie. He took a few deep breaths as he felt a panic attack had begun. The last thing he wanted her to see was that he was having a panic attack. Paula, of all the people that knew his relationship with Donna, would say that Donna was always the cause of his panic attacks.

He finally arrived at the top of the stairs where her office was located and knocked.

"Come in," Paula called.

"Harvey," she said rising and coming to kiss him.

Harvey kissed her perfunctorily because he could still feel Donna's lips so ardently on his. He was not sure if he wanted to remember her kiss or not. All he did know was that he felt badly about being put in a position where he felt like he cheated on Paula and also how he wanted to continue to kiss Donna. Something he had not done for a very long time in reality but every now and then his subconscious would remember her soft lips and various aspects of the one night they spent together or of nights they could have spent together.

"Paula, sit down. I need to talk to you about something," Harvey stated thickly almost as if he was going to vomit.

"Sounds ominous, Harvey. What's wrong?" Paula said frowning. Two vertical lines creasing her forehead between her eyebrows.

"Just please sit." Harvey said taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"I'm scared, Harvey," Paula said taking a seat and letting him take her hands in his.

"I am, too, but for totally different reasons," Harvey confessed.

"Ok, I'm sitting. Are you breaking up with me?" Paula said and Harvey was not surprised of the insecurity in her voice because he knew of her previous cause of the breakup of her last boyfriend and business partner.

"Paula, last night something happened and I couldn't tell you. However, I want to resolve this situation so I need to tell you now without any other prevarication," Harvey said looking into her pale blue eyes. _Such a nice caring woman and she has a great body along with it. We've had a great time together, but maybe I should never have started anything with her. I should have made things straight and clear with Donna a long time ago._

"What happened, Harvey? Something with Donna?"

"Yes. The other day at the trial, Malik, the one I told you about. He tore Donna apart on the stand, so Mike and I made a deal with Malik and closed the investment case but then he came after Jessica and had her disbarred in NY for her part in getting Mike into the bar legally."

"So how badly did this man tear Donna apart?" Paula wondered. She knew, of course, about Donna's feelings for Harvey from no better source than the woman herself.

"He implicated that Donna only became COO of the firm because she slept with me to get it."

"Did she?" Paula removed her hand from Harvey's and leaned back. She saw the sorrow in his large brown eyes. That look told most of what Paula could fathom. That Harvey's feelings for Donna had never died just because he said he was not the same man after nearly a year without continuing his therapy. _How could I be so stupid!_

"Ok, Harvey, finish this because I think I know how it ends," Paula said.

"Maybe. After Malik informed me that Jessica was being disbarred, I talked to Jessica. That's why you found her in my place. Jessica is fine with it and we worked things out today and the firm family has said their goodbyes to her."

"Get on with it, Harvey," Paula coerced.

"I went back to the office to put everyone on alert last night. I started with Louis, but I couldn't find him. So, I found Donna still in her office. I walked in and she walked straight up to me and kissed me on the mouth."

Paula's face blanched.

"What did you do, Harvey?" Paula asked.

"Nothing. When she was finished she told me she was sorry but she had to know...something. Then she just walked out the door of her office leaving me standing their stunned," Harvey said. "I just wanted to tell you..."

"Because you felt something and now you think you've cheated on me. Knowing my history, you are playing the therapist and making sure that I don't erupt in jealous fits or a rage and plan to kill Donna in her sleep. You give yourself way too much credit, Harvey."

"What are you saying?" I'm telling you because Donna has placed me in a position where I worked my whole life not to be. You and she both know of my issues with my mother..."

"Which you said you reconciled," Paula interjected.

"Yes, I did," Harvey said.

Paula rose and crossed her arms over herself.

"Harvey, can I ask you a question?" Paula said with her face turned toward the wall. She knew what was coming. It had happened before although much worse last time. She actually caught the bastard in the act in their bed. At least this time, Harvey was being honest.

"Was it only a kiss?"

"Yes, one long kiss and then she walked away, and I didn't see her until this morning," Harvey said wearily.

"You didn't have sex with her in the file room or in your office or in a hotel?"

"No! She walked away and I thought I should come home and tell you right away, but you looked so happy making Shepherd's Pie that I didn't have the heart."

"You were afraid. Afraid of what, Harvey?"

"Afraid that you would be upset and think you were unloveable again because I had cheated on you."

Paula whipped around and this time did not care if he saw the tears falling from her eyes.

"That's not what you were afraid of, Harvey. You were afraid to tell me because it's Donna you're really in love with. Tell me something else. Did you ever sleep with Donna and do you ever have sex dreams about her?," Paula said leaning over Harvey as he remained on her couch.

"Paula, stop analyzing me," Harvey said standing.

"This is my coping mechanism, Harvey. Live with it. You have yours by bursting out and punching people in the face or just evading an issue altogether. Well analyzing men I am in love with is mine especially when I think they may have actually been unfaithful to me in thought if not in deed," Paula said primly letting a tear fall on her blouse.

"I am not analyzing you exactly. I just want to know if you transferred your feelings for Donna onto me. You said that when you wanted to celebrate becoming managing partner that you thought of me. You called me after you spent two hours with models. You said that you just hearing my voice you could work things out for yourself. If I remember correctly, Donna was always your moral compass, your sounding board and now I find out she was your lover once and for all I know continued to be. Although I do know you haven't cheated on me in act because I know your loyalty issues. However, that wouldn't prevent your mind from picturing someone else but me in your bed."

Harvey shook his head. "If that's not analysis, Dr. Agard, I don't know what is," Harvey smirked to himself. "Yes, Donna and I slept together a long time ago. The day after I asked her to work for me," Harvey explained.

"Oh no wonder you still have feelings for her."

There was a pregnant pause in the conversation at that rate. Paula thought it good that Harvey had not jumped back up and left leaving her with her doubts about their relationship.

"Just to let you know. I don't blame you for Donna kissing you. Now that I have had that particular pleasure I totally understand," Paula said bending down and placing her lips experimentally on Harvey's.

"What did Donna say?"

"You don't want to know. She rehashed a few moments in our lives when we almost crossed the line since we've been working together. She has always had that rule. She doesn't get involved with men she works with. I think she was protecting herself from what a womanizer I used to be."

"Can't say as I blame the poor girl. How do you feel now?"

Paula sat back down next to Harvey.

"Paula, Donna is not a "poor" girl. I do care for her very much. She's my best friend."

Paula let that go. She was analyzing him despite what she told him, but it was a form of coping with their conversation.

"I want to ask you something and I want a straight off the tip-of-your tongue answer. Don't think about it. Don't even hesitate."

"What is this? A test?" Harvey asked feeling uncomfortable like he was under a microscope. "Why?"

"Shh...Don't ask why. Just do as I say. Answer from the tip of your tongue. No thought," Paula instructed him again.

"Are you in love with Donna?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love Donna?"

"Yes!" Harvey answered emphatically.

"How do you love Donna?"

"I'm not sure. Look Paula, I have to work through some shit. So I can't do that unless I'm away from both of you," Harvey volunteered.

"Don't torture yourself, Harvey. Donna's love for you is not your fault. You just have to work out how you feel."

"Are you going to be ok? If I leave now? I need to go home and think about things."

"Go on, Harvey. I'm a big girl and so is Donna," Paula said.

Donna looked up and momentarily stopped crying. She looked up to see whose arms held her.

"Mike?" Donna asked questioningly.

"Yes, it's me," Mike said releasing Donna and sitting on the bed in front of her. "I am so sorry for what happened."

"Yeah, me, too," Donna said wiping tears out of her eyes. "He probably went right to her house and jumped in bed with her. Harvey was never good at facing emotional things."

"Don't I know it. Except…" Mike stopped and eyed Donna to see if she wanted him to continue.

She raised her head and said, "Except what?"

"Except where you are concerned. He does love you and I know he would jump at the chance to be with you. It's just…."

"Paula and his stupid fidelity issues. Well, I suppose he'll hate me now for the rest of my life."

"I don't think so. I know how much he cares," Mike insisted. "I've seen how he looks at you. I know he's wanted to tell you things but he's afraid Donna. He never wanted to drive you away. He doesn't want to be the one to hurt you."

"Well, I suppose I've finished that now that I have taken the initiative. I just had to know if he is really the one I want. Perhaps, I wanted to know if he could really love me after all. Do you see, Mike, I had to know. I couldn't let him go off with another woman without bringing home the fact that he may really love me. He's just too stubborn to acknowledge it for crossing work and personal."

"And you wanted to touch him one more time," Mike said sensitively.

"You get it. It's because you have never made it a secret how much you're in love with Rachel. Whereas, I get mixed messages. I get "You know I love you, Donna" and then he thinks I can just sweep that under the carpet. I know he never forgot our night together. I know I haven't and that was a long time ago."

"Donna, he loves you. He is in love with you. It's just right now it's bad timing."

Donna sniffed a little laugh. "When was it ever good timing for us?"

"Come on, Awesome, let's go back to our place and get you something better to eat than Chunky Monkey and a Chardonnay," Mike encouraged with a smile and was glad to see that Donna smiled back at him.

"Hey, don't knock it. It's the breakfast of champions," Donna said smiling and gave Mike a peck on his cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

**HI again! Thank you to all of you who have reviewed, followed, or favorited my story. Here's a little long chapter because I wanted Donna to get back to herself and confront Paula. What would she say? Who's the one who knows Harvey better? Paula or Donna? Who do you think? I hope you enjoy this because I agonized over this chapter. Thank you again - Carebearmaxi.**

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 5

After spending the night at Rachel and Mike's apartment, Donna remembered who she was. They discussed Harvey and Paula and the more they discussed Harvey and Paula, the more Donna felt that she could get over this. _I am Donna_. _I do not apologize for who I am or what I do. Yes, I love Harvey but it is ridiculous to act like it is the end of the world just because he may actually love someone else. As much as I loved him and want nothing more than to be with him, I will have to move on. Luckily Harvey is to be in court today; therefore, out of state out of mind_.

Having left the previous day early, Donna sat at her desk and concentrated on a multipurpose proposal that one of the new Real Estate lawyers had written. It concerned a new law that was being pushed through and would affect not only realtors, but lawyers as well. Actual law and how it affected her firm's employees was the place sometimes where she felt inept. She was not a lawyer, but she possessed good business acumen and could extrapolate from that instinct. Donna could seek many resources for clarification on law issues with which she was not familiar. There were many people who would be happy to answer her questions. Her main resource was Harvey normally, but with the recent events she felt she would have to feel more comfortable if she went to Louis, Mike, or Rachel who having been a paralegal was an expert in research and capable of finding the most obscure argument or precedent.

She was in such a state of concentration that she had not seen the person who entered her office.

"Donna," Paula said standing there with her blonde hair tied up in a bun wearing a dark blue pantsuit looking every bit the successful woman she was. A successful woman who had never been accused of sleeping her way to the top. She had been accused, though, of sleeping with her patient. Donna wishes that she could prove Harvey and she became involved before the APA time constriction, but she knew how Harvey knew the law and decided that there was no recourse there. Donna was not that vindictive a person no matter how hurt she was that this woman had insinuated herself between she and Harvey.

"Paula," Donna immediately rose to her full six foot height. Donna hoped her face would not change to shades of red because she needed to keep her cool and show Paula that she was not ashamed of what she did by kissing the man she loved to let him know that she wanted to fight for him.

"Harvey is in court, Paula. I assume he told you what happened," Donna ventured.

"Yes, I am wondering why you actually did it. Did you throw yourself at him because you realize that he may love someone else besides you?"

"No, Paula. I wanted to make a move before he was lost to me completely. It really had nothing to do with you. This was my decision. He never told you I suppose that a few months before his panic attacks happened he told me he loved me. So last year when I came to you looking for him, I hoped that he had come to realize how he loved me," Donna said.

"That's when you left him to work for Louis and he had panic attacks because you weren't there for him."

"Don't go there. I'm sure you have put your own swing on what Harvey has told you about our relationship. I don't need therapy. I'm perfectly capable of realizing my emotions and know from where they came."

"I don't know, Donna. Your kissing a man who is involved with another woman seems to be an act of desperation and obsession. Not a woman who is in love with the man," Paula said loftily.

"How dare you! You'll never know our relationship..."Donna stood up protesting.

"He told me that you slept together once a long time ago. He told me he loves you, too, but he doesn't know if he is _in_ love with you," Paula said thinking that Donna was attempting to undermine Paula's relationship with Harvey.

"Well, that just shows me that Harvey is still confused and is afraid of acknowledging his true feelings. Emotions and feeling are two items that Harvey has been trying to avoid since the day I met him."

"You know what I think?"

"Paula, I don't give a shit what you think of me or of my relationship with Harvey. Remember I know people and I know Harvey better than you. I'm not saying this as a comeuppance to you, but just to warn you that when relationships become too hot and heavy Harvey likes to run. Now, I did convince him to reconcile with his family and even before that he was becoming a more human person. However, deep feelings are still scary to him. So, if you think you're going to stand there and help me understand that he's in love with you hook, line, and sinker, I have two things to say to that."

"They are?" Paula asked still standing there with a pinched look on her face. _Donna's ferocity and lack of hysterical behavior surprises me. I thought for sure I would be shrieking at the top of my lungs or asking for a straight jacket for her._

Donna smirked and giving Paula a look that brooked no apology saying, "Number one: If Harvey has finally grown up and is happy with you, I'll be happy for him knowing that he has found a woman he truly loves in his life. He is a good, good man and once someone taps into that goodness and maturity he will make a wonderful husband."

"The other is?" Paula asked impressed.

"If he still is not ready and he needs space, I am willing to give it to him. Are you?"

"I don't think I should have to. He's with me."

Donna smiled and looked up. _She thinks she knows him so well. Boy is she wrong._

"He may be with you but he won't _be_ with you. Do you understand?"

"I'll tell you what, Donna," Paula said walking up to the taller woman. "Why don't you stay away from Harvey and me because I think he is doing just fine without you. My professional opinion is that you are toxic to him. You remind him of his faults and are a clinging vine it would seem. Not letting him breathe."

"You know you are really convinced that Harvey is in love with you. He may be. I would be happy if he was then I could move on; however, he has not convinced me that he is in love with you. He's comfortable and I have seen how comfortable Harvey gets with women. Once he starts to feel strangled or inept he drives the women away. He's done it, inadvertently, with a few other women with whom I thought he could be happy. Not once in all those years have I ever thrown myself at him without just cause or what I thought was his feelings for me might be. Once I wanted to take our relationship to another level. Harvey ran, so I left him to work for Louis for my own salvation. That's when he found you to prescribe him sedatives so the poor man could sleep."

"How do you know all that?"

"I just do, Paula," Donna said.

" So if he wants to run, let him run for a while," Donna said turning her head back and forth. "Harvey always comes back because above all else Harvey is loyal."

"I know that, Donna. I admire that in him."

"So do I."

Paula said, "You might really love him if I didn't think you were just a lonely woman who is obsessed with the man she's been working with for the last twelve years. I think you need to focus on something else in your life."

"Thank you, Paula, for the free head shrinking, but I don't need any advice from you. I'm perfectly fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Are you picking a fight with me now, Paula?"

"No. I just think you need to focus on someone besides Harvey."

"Mind your own business. You happened to be standing in Harvey's sanctuary. This firm has been a family to him long before he sought your advice."

"Fair enough. Mark my words, though, Donna. On our wedding day I really don't think I will want Harvey to invite you."

"Has Harvey proposed then?" Donna asked laughingly knowing that Harvey's thinking of marriage was a faraway thought to him.

"No, but I feel it may come," Paula said.

"Well, you can think all you want, sweetie. I can tell you he's has no thoughts on that right now."

"We'll see, Donna. In the meantime, stay away from him," Paula warned Donna.

"Should I take that as a warning?" Donna asked derisively. _Who does this broad think she is?_

"No take that as a promise. That if and when he marries me he will need you no longer."

Donna nodded and grimaced. "Well we shall see, Dr. Agard. Now get the hell out of my office."

Paula smiled to herself and backed out of Donna's office never breaking eye contact.

After Paula had left through the elevator door, Donna sat down at her desk, blew out a deep breath she did not realize she had been holding and cried quietly into her hands. Despite Donna's fighting words and her tough reserve, she felt like her world was crumbling.

Harvey was on the roof of the building. He had finished the two hearings he had had scheduled for today. When he arrived back, he was surprised that Donna was not in her office. He quickly and surreptitiously snatched a tumbler of Scotch and went to the roof to drink it. It was about 3:00 pm and the New York sun was still covered in clouds making the normally beautiful view into a dirty, gloomy one. The roof was just the place to go when you were not in a good mood. Harvey remembered a song which alluded to that. He believed his father played a cover of that on one of his albums. Harvey should have been in a great mood because he had been victorious in both cases that he had presented; however, the only thing he was not winning was the war within himself.

Donna or Paula? He thought, perhaps, other men would not have been in this position. They would have fucked Donna during business hours and lain with Paula at night or was it fuck Paula and lay with Donna at night? Whatever way it would have been a case of having his cake and eat it, too. However, Harvey was not the type of man who when serious with one woman could cheat on her with the other. No matter how tempting and he much he desired the other woman. In this case, he was not sure who was who.

Harvey took a sip of the amber liquid and felt the burn in his esophagus down to his stomach That burning he thought was what he deserved for not ever resolving or giving in to his feelings for Donna. He loved her. How could one not? She was beautiful, smart, passionate, and loyal. She had sacrificed everything for him. She followed him and guided him and would call him out on his shit when it was needed. Did he imagine that Paula was like that?

He was attracted to Paula. She was beautiful with her pale skin, big light blue eyes, and beautiful lilting British accent. She was kind and harbored insecurities of her own which he found endearing in someone who was supposed to cure you of your insecurities. There was no question that they were attracted to one another and she pleased him. _Are you in love with either one? Which one do you want to be with? Now that Donna has made her intentions clear where does my true heart lie?_ Harvey was so conflicted.

Suddenly his phone rang. He took it out of his inner jacket pocket and saw that it was his brother, Marcus.

" _Hey dickhead! You coming up for M.J.'s birthday party_?"

"Hey, loser. Sure. It's next week, right?" Harvey confirmed. In the background, Harvey heard the happy squeals of his nephew, Marcus, Jr. Harvey loved visiting his brother and his family. In recent months Harvey was reconsidering his choice of confirmed bachelorhood. He rethought how nice it would be to find a woman, maybe marry and have a family. When with Marcus and his family, Harvey experienced vicariously through his brother fatherly pride and happiness especially when seeing joy on not only his brother's face, but Kate his wife, and their mom, Lily. Harvey was just afraid of pain because he knew life was not perfect and to run from real life and commitment was the only way he had been able to travel through life without a care. However, since helping Mike become a real lawyer and defending those of his firm family from untoward forces of evil Harvey's true heart always rose to the top.

This was especially where Donna was concerned. _I must have fallen for her long before we slept together. Perhaps, I thought that if I possessed her body for one night that would cure me of ever wanting more. That was why I wanted her to come work for me. I wasn't ready for a real commitment, but I didn't want to lose her. She was the only one I ever trusted. It was she that prevented us from sleeping together and, perhaps becoming more._

 _"Harvey_?" Marcus said from the other end of the line.

"Yes? I'm sorry, Marcus. I'm dealing with some shit right now and I need to do some thinking about it."

 _"Well, when you need to deal with shit, that's the best time to talk to your family. Mom's been dying to see you. I'm glad you and she worked it out."_

"I am, too, Marcus. Yes, tell mom I will be up on Saturday night."

 _"Well, there's only one question that remains, big brother_ ," Marcus poked.

"What's that?" Harvey could not fathom what his little brother was aiming at.

 _"Who's house are you going sleep in? Mom's or mine?"_

"I guess since you two will probably protest my staying at the swankiest hotel I will have to think that one over."

Harvey hung up his phone, retrieved his glass, and descended from the roof.

A few hours later about six in the evening when the office was mostly empty, Harvey went next door into Donna's office. He was glad to see she had not left for the day.

"Hey Donna, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Donna looked up surprised.

"Sure, Harvey, what can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I am taking a few days off. I just wanted to make sure you know in case anything comes up that Louis, Mike, Rachel, or you can't handle."

"Just curious, are you taking Paula and eloping? Because I am pretty sure you're going to owe her a big wedding."

"What?" Harvey's face half smiled. "What are you talking about? What makes you think that?"

"Sit down, Harvey," Donna said.

Donna rose and straightened her skirt. Yesterday was her power pantsuit. Today was her power dress and four inch Jimmy Choo's. Similarly, Harvey sat there in his expensive, tailor-made dark blue Tom Ford suit with his clean white shirt and solid gray tie. His lucky-in-court-victorious suit. She was happy to see he was wearing the gold cuff links she had bought him about four Christmases ago. By the same token, she wore a pendant which bore her intials that he had actually chosen for her around the same time. It was one of those times when they came close to being together but Harvey would not pull the trigger. Right now, if other employees spotted then in Donna's office, Donna and Harvey looked calm from the outside just like two colleagues discussing something as mundane as one's time away from the office. Inside, however, both Harvey and Donna stood on eggshells in each other's presence.

"Paula came to see me. I assumed you told her about my kissing you. She told me that she was sure that you were going to be married, so I just assumed you had proposed or you were just going to pick her up and run away."

Harvey rose. He came over to Donna and took her hand.

"Look, I'm not marrying anyone at the moment. I was not really thinking about it. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to see my family in Boston. It's my nephew's birthday next week and I promised him last time I was there that I would spend a week with them when it was M.J.'s birthday."

Donna smiled. She was so happy that he was back with his biological family. She placed her other hand on top of their clasped ones and looked into Harvey's deep brown eyes.

"You do not know how happy that really makes me. They love you so much."

"Just to let you know, I am not taking Paula. I haven't told her where I am going yet, but I am telling you. I need time away from the women in my life."

Harvey smiled and his eyes twinkled at her.

Donna smiled and this time she stepped forward and kissed him on his cheek. Then touched his face.

"Now I did that because I love you and I am very proud of you."

Harvey kissed Donna's hand and then left through her office door.

Donna smiled and she felt heartened that maybe their story was not over yet. Even now it was good to know that he did not hold any grudges or animosity toward her. She could move on with those feelings even if it turns out that wants to remain with Paula instead of her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! Thank you to those new followers and new favoriters! I am so happy when I see that and, of course, lovely R &R's. This is a long chapter but I think it was needed. Hope I didn't stray too far from Korsh's characters. I agonized over this chapter, so I hope you enjoy this. Thanks - Carebearmaxi**

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 6

"Hey Uncle Harvey's here," M.J. cried aloud as he opened the door to his Uncle standing there. M.J. went right into Harvey's arms for a big hug just like the last time he had come up to Boston to reconcile with his mom. Lynnie again came hurtling toward her Uncle to get a big hug. Kate and Marcus finally followed and managed to get his bags in the house and close the front door behind him.

"So I guess you've decided to stay here, right?" Marcus asked.

"Yes, I have. I talked to mom and she said the kids were so excited that she was willing to sacrifice my company for them."

"Good thing, Uncle Harvey, or I would have been very mad at Grandma. It's my birthday, anyway, and why should I not have things my way on my birthday!" M.J. said vehemently to all present in the living room.

"Spoken like a Specter," Harvey said stroking the little boy's hair away from his face. M.J. was was soon to be eight years old. Marcus, Jr. always reminded Harvey of Marcus, Sr. when they were both little boys. Harvey had always cared for his little brother and had never regretted for a minute until the day their mother went off in a cab having left their father and them to their own devices. Marcus had held a grudge against Harvey for a long time because Harvey was finally the one who let it slip about their mother's infidelity. Marcus had not realized that Harvey had harbored those secrets from a little boy of eight until he was 20 years old.

However, Marcus had his own demons. The first being a gambling addiction which Harvey felt so badly about encouraging. Marcus finally did take responsibility after years of abuse and finally realized he had to stop blaming his brother and those around him for his own predicament. Once this understanding took place Marcus and Harvey had once again become close brothers with each other and their father.

In the interim between the present and the past, Harvey had finally reconciled after twenty years with his family. Harvey was grateful to Donna for convincing him that he really did need them as well as his firm family.

Harvey reconsidered spending all the nights with Marcus and his family. He decided to split the nights between his mother's house and his brother's house. M.J. had convinced his Uncle Harvey to be sure he spent the last part of the week when it was his birthday at his house. Uncle Harvey said no problem and began his visit at his mother's house.

Harvey sat outside on the back porch of his mother's house sipping a beer. It was an early October evening and the sun had just gone down. Hearing the screen door slam, Harvey instinctively knew his mother was approaching. Although lost in his thoughts, her presence was not unwelcome.

"Harvey, aren't you chilled off?" Lily, his mother asked him.

"No, have you ever known me to be cold?" Harvey asked as his mom handed him his sweater.

"Yes, when you were about six and you were playing ball and forgot your Yankees' jacket. You managed not to catch pneumonia like your brother," Lily said smiling.

"Well, it figures Marcus would get the pneumonia and I wouldn't," Harvey said with a little chuckle.

Lily joined Harvey on the brightly cushioned two seater.

"Do you want to talk?"

"About what?"

"You know about what," Lily said eyeing her eldest son and knowing with motherly instinct that something was definitely eating away at his peace of mind.

"Not really, mom. I don't think you would understand."

"Try me," Lily said to Harvey.

Harvey sat silent for a couple of moments and then looked at his mother's expectant face. He took a sip of his beer and then said, "Ok, I suppose I do need to process this aloud even if I don't want anyone's advice."

"Who said I was going to give you advice? I think you have all your answers you just need a sounding board," Lily said placing a gentle hand on the wrist lying on his lap.

Harvey took his mom's hand and, maybe, for the first time in a long time gave it a kiss.

Lily smiled and said, "You haven't kissed my hand since you were a tiny boy."

"I remember. I think I was rehearsing for a dance or something and you told me to be gallant or something and to kiss my date's hand. I think I was all of five." Harvey said smiling and laughing with his mom at the memory. There were not too many good memories they shared together, but this one definitely was and both were laughing hysterically as they both pictured little Harvey all dressed up in a tiny tuxedo properly bestowing a kiss on a female fellow five year old's hand.

"Seriously, mom, I really shouldn't bother you with this."

Lily looked at her son.

"Don't tell me. You have yourself a woman predicament. You were always the one with the women problems."

"How do you know I have "women" problems?" Harvey asked doing air quotation marks with his fingers on the word "women".

"Your brother was always saying that you were always loving them and leaving them," Lily said. "I don't blame you. A man needs to sow his wild oats before he decides which one he wants to settle with."

Harvey gave his mother a wry look. "Only men, ma? Come on."

Lily nodded and said, "Yes, well, we know I made mistakes. Let's talk about your dilemma instead."

"How do you know I have a dilemma?" Harvey asked reminded of Donna and how empathic she was. So empathic she could almost always read his thoughts.

"I'm your mother. I think that would be enough. You know, you're more like me than you think."

Once Harvey would have bristled at that, but Paula had told him the same thing during one of their therapy sessions more than a year ago.

"So spill already or you're going to be out here alone, my boy," Lily admonished chafing her lightly sweatered upper arms.

"Ok," Harvey said finally sighing heavily. He felt rather odd speaking to his mom about this but it did concern women he cared for so maybe it was not so odd.

"I have been seeing a woman for a few months. She used to be my therapist."

"You actually saw a therapist? Good for you, Harvey." Lily congratulated him.

"It's not exactly what you think. I sought her out because I was having panic attacks and couldn't sleep at night because my secretary had left me."

"Care to elaborate why your secretary leaving caused you to have panic attacks?" Lily asked curiously.

"Where to start? It's a long story. Donna was my secretary for a very long time. Actually she's always been more than that," Harvey said reluctant to go into detail about his complicated relationship with Donna.

"Oh, so she is one of your "lovers"?"

"No, not for a long time. She's always been my "go to " person. My best friend. My moral compass. My sounding board. Many times she has been my only friend. She's always seen the good in me even when I act like a dick. She protects me and I protect her. We were lovers for one night only."

"So what's the problem? Sounds like you really care for Donna. Sounds like she really loves you."

"I do. She still does, I think."

"Ok, so what is this other woman to you?"

"She's the woman I am currently seeing not as a therapist. I just gave her the key to my apartment," Harvey said lowering his head. "The key that Donna gave back to me once she learned about Paula and me."

"Donna had a key because...?"

"Because she's my friend and my secretary. Our history was that we had a one night stand after we stopped working at the D.A's office. Something in her clicked within me because I didn't want to be without her either professionally or personally, so I asked her to come work for me when I went back to the firm."

"Donna..." Lily said seeming to mull over the name. "Your brother has mentioned her a couple of times. You two are very close, aren't you?"

"Well, we were. We're still great friends and I always thought we could be more than that but Donna was very staunch about her rule."

"Rule? What rule?" Lily asked fascinated by Donna and the way she handled her once womanizer of a son.

"She supposedly didn't get involved with men she worked with," Harvey said.

"You have obeyed this rule all these years?"

"Yes. She did break her own rule once with a guy from the firm," Harvey said clenching his strong jaw and then relaxing it by taking a sip of his beer.

"Were you jealous?"

"Yes! I told her I wasn't at first and then I said it bothered me. However, I also told her that just because it bothered me didn't mean I wanted a personal relationship with her. Actually I never got to finish the sentence because she knew what I meant."

"Did that not bother her?"

"She accepted it because she coerced me into admitting it. Funny thing is I had told Donna about Paula and me only a short time ago. Donna told me at first she knew and then she said she was happy for me. She agreed with me that just because it bothered her at first that it didn't mean we wanted to try. I accepted the key and her word and then she does this."

"What did she do?"

Lily curled her legs under her and turned toward Harvey. She placed a bent elbow on the top of the bench and placed her head in her hand giving her a cockeyed view of Harvey. She waited for Harvey to tell her, but he acted like she had left him by himself.

Finally Lily said, "Ok, Harvey, what happened a few days ago."

Harvey gave his mother a sad puppy dog look. "I cheated on Paula with Donna."

"Back up, Harvey. Tell me about your relationship with Paula."

"Well, I was attracted to her. I mean, I am attracted to her. She's British with the cutest accent and she's all peaches and cream English complexion. She's very smart and, I discovered, has some endearing insecurities herself."

"Ok, so why would you cheat on her with Donna?"

"It's a long story and you need some background for what's been happening for the last couple of weeks."

"I've got nothing but time, my son. So tell me because I know you will feel better if you have someone you can bounce your tribulations off of.

" For the last few weeks we've had this lawyer who holds a grudge against me since we worked at the DA's office together. He's now in the Attorney General's office and he's been closing down Wall Street. Luckily he's not gone after any of my clients. Then Mike Ross, my Junior Partner, signs one of the people this guy is witch hunting and presents me with the case so I can show this guy up. I didn't realize this guy existed in the D.A's office when Donna and I were there. However, she did and tried to warn me to watch my step. Malik, this asshole's name, decided to come after me personally to discredit me so he could win the case against my client. He like so many other people know the way to get to me quicker is to persecute Donna. Donna and I have always had a connection and a complicated relationship which everyone always mistakes for being sexual."

"Do you have a picture of Donna?" Lily asked curious. The more he talked of his relationship with Donna the more she realized that he really loved Donna.

"Let me look," Harvey pulled his phone out of his pocket and found a picture taken yesterday when Jessica had left. It was just Jessica and Donna.

"Here you go, mom. Donna's on the right. The other woman is Jessica Pearson."

"Your mentor from what I understand from your brother and what you've told me. She put you through law school," Lily said taking his phone and really taking a good look at this woman who has followed her son from one place to another and seems to protect him at all costs.

"She's beautiful, Harvey. I can understand why people would think you've been involved all these years."

Lily handed the phone back to him and smiled.

Harvey continued after taking a quick look himself and then placing the phone on the coffee table joining his beer.

" So he goes after Donna and talks about a case which I handled while at my present firm. Malik gets Donna on the stand and deliberately accuses her of sleeping her way to becoming COO and that she would do anything to protect me including destroying evidence."

"Did she?"

"Did she what?" Harvey asked although knowing the answer to his own question.

"Did she sleep with you to get it?"

"No, absolutely not. I told you. I haven't been with Donna like that since that one time. No Donna and I are close friends. We've never crossed the line since we've been working together." He neglected to mention the event a year ago when Donna's life was on the line and he showed a little too much emotion and revealed how he felt about her.

"Ok, so what did Donna do that has made you feel like you cheated on your girlfriend?"

"I'm getting to that. I want to explain the whole scenario, so you understand that Donna is not a woman who just throws herself at men."

"Honey, I wasn't thinking that. I can tell she's special to you."

" It's just that when I told Donna about Paula and me. She told me she was happy for me. I knew something was off, but I didn't want to see into it. I hurt her again it seems."

"Anyhow, I am just trying to put myself in her place and realize how Malick played on her feelings. Donna doing anything for me regardless of moral or legal issues? Nothing could be farther from the truth. Donna, as I said, protected me. She warned me of the illegal issues that Cameron Dennis was doing. When it came up again after I went back to the firm, she took evidence to Jessica who used it as leverage with Cameron. She protected me in the D.A.'s office and she took the bullet for me during that case that Malik referred to. I had to fire her."

"Ok, so this guy badmouthed Donna in open court by implying that you and Donna had been lovers while you were at the D.A's office and now and that's how he can discredit you."

"Yes. He implied that Donna became COO of the firm because she slept with me to get there. That is absolutely untrue as I said. Donna earned that position and I was glad to promote her to it. She and I have never slept together since that one night a dozen years ago. We came close a couple of years ago, but I knew she would leave me professionally and I needed her too badly to give in."

"Ok, so Donna is feeling badly and she then does what to make you cheat on Paula?"

Lily's heart was almost broken when she saw how divided loyalities were tearing him apart. Lily could now empathize with that feeling having been happily married to Bobby these last twenty years. However, once she would have thought loyalty was an overblown part of a relationship including a marriage.

"Malik came to my apartment building the day after we made a deal out of court. He told me that he had Jessica disbarred for helping my friend Mike be accepted into the bar."

"I read that article in the paper about Mike. I gather you were the one who had hired him in the first place?"

"Yes, I was. Mike went to jail for me and then Jessica took the bullet for me, so Mike could become a "real" lawyer."

"I can't wait to hear that story," Lily said realizing that she really had left her son to swim in shark infested waters. However, Lily was just glad that he felt comfortable enough to confide in her this way. He was her son and she loved him no matter what had happened in the past.

"So, Jessica happened to be in my apartment when I entered and she told me she was ok and that the firm belonged to me and Louis but mine to manage alone. So I go back to the firm that night to confront my partners, Louis and Donna. I couldn't find Louis, so I walk into Donna' office and before I can get two words out of my mouth, she throws herself at me and kisses me on the mouth!"

"She kissed you. You didn't go after her, right? Nothing else happened between you?"

"No, but I believe I wanted something to. When I realized who was kissing me I almost took her into my arms. All I know now is that when she did that she reawakened those feelings that I thought we had left in the past. For the last couple of days, all I have wanted is to kiss her passionately and deeply again. I have had dreams of Donna recently and about a year ago."

"Sex dreams?"

"Mom!"

"Harvey, I'm your mother. I'm not dead, you know."

Harvey looked at his mom briefly smiling and said quietly, "I guess not."

"I dream of our one night together or in other situations. When Paula was my therapist she told me that the dreams represented you and the fact also that I had abandonment issues."

"What about now? Do you still have abandonment issues?"

"I don't think so. Donna came back to me as my assistant. Now she's there with me but not in the same capacity. Then I started sleeping with Paula."

Lily sat there nodding her head silently.

"I know that probably sounds silly."

"Not at all. So what happened with Paula?'

"I told Paula a couple of days later. Ever since we made up, I've been thinking a lot about settling down. Paula and I are comfortable and I thought, perhaps, she would like to move in with me and we could give it a try and then Donna kisses me and totally turns me upside down."

"Is Donna pressuring you into a decision?"

"No, not at all. She told me that when she kissed me she had to know. She said she had to know how she felt about me before I was no longer available to fight for. She also wanted to know how I felt."

"Did you tell Donna that she now upset your apple cart? Did you tell Donna you were coming up here?"

"Yes, I told both she and Paula. Donna kissed me on the cheek and told me she was proud of me for coming to my biological family for help."

"Donna is the 'someone very special to you' that convinced you to reconcile with me."

"Yes. I do owe a lot to Donna. She's beautiful, kind, sassy, and doesn't hesitate to call me out on my shit. We have each trusted each other with our secrets and our lives, literally." Harvey smiled thoughtfully at that statement.

"Ok, what about Paula? Do you think you may love her at all or differently? Do you picture yourself as a husband to her, or, perhaps, you have transferred your real feelings and love for Donna onto Paula because she seems safer. You would not hurt so much if Paula left you for some reason as opposed to Donna."

"There's that word, again, safer." Harvey turned toward his mom, retrieved his beer, and then returned it to the table because it had gone terribly flat during their conversation. The evening sky was full dark now and he gathered his cardigan closer around himself. Harvey showed vulnerability very rarely, but this was an exception.

"Is it possible to be in love with two women?" Harvey asked his mother.

"I think the question is not that is it possible to be in love with two women. I think the questions is can you be loyal to two women and not feel like you're betraying the other woman."

At that time the screen door slammed again, "Who's in love with two women? Harvey?" Marcus began to laugh and then he heard the pregnant silence erupt in the back porch when he said that.

"Don't laugh, Marcus. Harvey needs a little help and guidance concerning his heart and two women he really cares for. Perhaps your brother can lend a little help? You know Donna, right?" Lily said looking up at her younger son. " Stay here a little bit. I'm going in the house to get warm and put on a pot of coffee. Everybody on?"

"Sure, ma," Harvey said quietly.

Marcus came to take Lily's place.

"What's up dickhead? Donna breaking your heart again?"

"No, I think I may be breaking hers."

"Wouldn't surprise me. Harvey "broken heart" Specter is your professional name, isn't it?"

"Ha, ha, Marcus."

"Incidentally while we're on the topic of your women, I heard from Scottie. Seems she's getting married for real this time. You must have really pissed her off for good if she called me to see what's been happening with you."

"Now that's another long story...one that I will not go into. I have enough problems with the current women in my life."

"Ok, so what's up with Donna?"

"She kissed me the other day and then told me she needed to know how she felt about me before I was no longer available to fight for."

"That's great! So when's the wedding?" Marcus also knew Harvey's feelings for Donna were complicated. Marcus had learned through Gordon and person to person meetings that Donna loved Harvey and would protect him from everyone including himself.

"Whoa, buddy. Don't go picking out colors yet. I'm involved with someone else."

"Oh, boy, here we go. What's her name and what type of hold does this one have over you?"

"Her name is Paula and she used to be my therapist." Harvey stated succinctly and to the point.

"What does Donna have over Paula that would prevent you from continuing your relationship with Paula?"

Harvey turned away to look up at the stars twinkling in the cool clear autumn night.

"Everything."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi All! I'm sorry I haven't updated for a couple of weeks; however, here is Chapter 7 and I am also posting Chapter 8. Please R &R. I hope you continue to enjoy the next couple of chapters. They may be a little difficult but I promise a happy ending.**

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 7

While Harvey was in Boston, Paula sat in her office and pondered her relationship with him. She really was not worried about him choosing Donna over her. She had tried to have this discussion with him before he left. She was very upset that she had not been invited to take the trip with him to meet his family.

As she sat at her desk between patients her mind wandered back to their last conversation or loud discussion which was more like it. She did not call him as he had asked. She also knew that Donna would not call him either. Harvey had told Paula that Donna would not call him during this trip because Donna knew that he had to process his feelings for both women.

"Harvey, why can't I go with you? I've been wanting to meet your mother ever since you told me about her."

"Why so you can analyze her, too, Paula?"

"No because she is someone who influenced you and made you who are." Paula answered back fiercely.

"Now is the not the time. I am going up there mainly for my nephew, M.J. It's his 8th birthday. I promised him last time I was up there reconciling with my mother. I promised the kid. You know me and my promises." Harvey lowered his eyes giving Paula that famous puppy dog look that women could never ignore.

"What about your promise to me?" Paula said subdued and beginning to feel a little neglected.

"Look, Paula, I want to state this clearly to you because I do care about you, but I need time to myself to think whether I want to stay with you or pursue my feelings with Donna. I cannot discern what is going on with my feelings right now unless I have time away. I want to be fair to both of you because I care very deeply for both of you. Do you understand?"

"Harvey, do you love me?"

"I'm not sure how, and I am not sure how I love Donna. You know love and I have never had a real good relationship. I know that I would take care of you if you need me..."

"But you would take care of Donna as well. Are you in love with Donna?"

"I'm not sure. I have known her longer than you and we've been through thick and thin together."

"Do you feel you would be able to trust her if you decided to pursue a relationship with her since she kissed you while you were in a committed relationship with another woman."

"Paula, that's not fair. You don't understand the circumstances surrounding her kissing me the way she did."

"Oh, Harvey, stop fooling yourself. Donna felt threatened and she wanted to make sure that you thought twice before staying in a stable relationship with me. She wants you and loves you, but you already know that. The question remains how you really feel about her. Do you want her as a lover again? Do you think because you have not had her for a while that you may want to be with her because she would be different than me. Hell, Harvey, I was trying to ignore the fact that you probably have been dreaming she's in bed with you lying next to you at night instead of me."

Paula stopped because she realized she was beginning to sound like one of those desperate clingy women to whom she gave solace as a therapist.

Harvey wanted to give her comfort, but he felt if he touched her he would be unable to leave leading Paula to think something that he was not yet sure of himself. When he told Donna where he was going, she who knew him so much better it seemed, gave him the freedom as she had so many times before when the need for him to process emotions alone arose.

"Did she cling to you and ask you not to leave? I would not be surprised in light of the fact she did what she did although she told me differently."

"You spoke with her?" Harvey asked flabbergasted that his girlfriend would confront his best friend over the kiss.

"I thought you said you didn't feel threatened because I care deeply for another woman?" Harvey asked.

"That's before I knew she threw herself at your head and kissed you so passionately."

"Paula, I have explained my relationship with Donna as much as I can with you. Not only when I was your patient but now as your boyfriend, so stop the analyzing. I am leaving temporarily, but I will return. I don't guarantee an answer but I think my head will be a little clearer."

"Can I call to check on you?"

"As my doctor or my girlfriend?" Harvey asked knowing the answer already.

"Your girlfriend, of course," Paula stated back insulted.

"No. I need time away from both of the women who mean so much to me."

Paula stood there and let him kiss her cheek before he walked out the door to catch his plane to Boston.

Paula's thoughts came back to the moment and in an unusual show of frustration she threw the pen in her hand across the room.

The door to her office suddenly opened. She was surprised to see Louis Litt walk through the door.

"Louis? What can I do for you?"

Louis walked nearer her desk slowly. Paula had stood up surprised that her visitor walking through the door witnessed a moment of weakness in her.

"I gather that throw was because Harvey pissed you off?" Louis said taking a seat on the couch.

Paula rose from behind her desk and sat down in the chair directly across from the couch. The same position she always affected when doing her job. A job she loved and felt she was adept.

"Yes. Do you know what's happened between he and Donna?"

"No. Donna doesn't discuss her relationship with Harvey. However, one is not blind. She's still in love with him after all these years. I'm not sure, but I think if he ever stopped and thought about it he may realize he feels the same about her. You don't know her as well as I do, but she is a really good person."

"Really? She seems a little obsessed to me. I don't want to tell you what she did to Harvey because it's not my place to say, but I just think that if she really loved and respected him she would not have done what she did."

"Paula, I must admit I'm curious, but I'm Donna's friend so I will not push you to tell me. She's hurting, though, and Harvey has done it to her again."

"Louis, did you come all the way down here just to let me know how bad Donna is feeling and that I should cut her some slack because she and Harvey have history?"

"So Harvey told you that they once slept together."

"Yes. I'm surprised you know, though. I didn't know Donna was the type to kiss and tell."

"She's not. I used her admittance to it as leverage for my friendship. Before you say that is really a horrible thing to do, I know it is. I already have a therapist and I have been his patient for a long time so I don't need anyone else to analyze me."

Paula gave a little laugh.

"So why did you come down here?"

"I came for two reasons. One I wanted to let you know that whatever you said to Donna made her cry in the office and other than deaths in the firms or some other highly emotional state I have never seen that woman cry from anyone except Harvey, of course. Two, I have heard from your ex's lawyer again."

"It seems there is a patient that you were treating when you were seeing his patients. The patient has since committed suicide because neither one of you really seemed to care. So it looks like we may have to join forces with your ex to fight the malpractice suit brought by the woman's husband."

"Malpractice suit? Do you know what that will do to my career?" Paula asked.

"Of course I know, that's why I'm here to get the facts straight and then talk with your ex's lawyer. I'm going to be sure that you are absolved from the whole bloody mess. I think your ex alone should be the one to take the fall for this."

Paula sat there stunned and then her face took on a stony steeliness.

"Louis do what you have to, but I cannot lose my practice to my ex. We already know the reasons why I took on his patients," Paula said concerned.

"Of course, I am your lawyer. I will take care of this for you," Louis said. "Promise me one thing which has nothing to do with me extricating you from this suit."

"What's that, Louis?"

"Give Harvey some space? I've known them both for a long time. They are good people. If things are meant to be status quo then they will, but if they are not, then it was not meant to be. I've been going through a horrible time in my own life and it hurts me to see my friends in the same mess."

"Louis, if I don't give Harvey some space, will that influence you in your defense of me?" Paula wanted to know how much Harvey's influence carried with his fellow firm partner.

"No, Paula. I don't involve myself in personal affairs. What will happen, will happen. As for your case, I would not be doing my duty if I did not defend you to the best of my ability."

Paula smiled and said, "Well, I guess I've just been Litt up."

"No, you're ex is going to be Litt up. Good night, Paula," Louis said as he left through her office door.

Meanwhile, Donna had spent a couple of days with the fallout from Jessica's departure. She had fielded a couple of calls from reporters wondering "How the Mighty have Fallen" and how the now SpecterLitt firm was going to defend themselves against all the sharks coming for their long term clients. A lesser woman, new to her position as COO, would probably have crumbled from the pressure between her broken heart and keeping her firm from going under. Although Donna's heart was still in pieces, she thought Harvey taking solace with his family in Boston was not such a bad idea. Professionally it was required of her to maintain for the good of the firm and she knew once Harvey learned of the backlash and sharks in the water coming for their clients, he would depend on her to keep him glued as well. That was one reason why they worked so well. Donna always knew how to get him back on track when Harvey wanted to do something unethical or disingenuous. This last year, with Mike's secret out and it being well documented; his short stint in prison, and then being admitted into the bar after being released from prison kept Harvey's guilt at almost paralyzing levels. Donna was the only one who kept Harvey focused on the bigger picture.

The other large emotional ride that almost broke him was Jessica's leaving. Donna took his hand in hers when they were alone the night Jessica had revealed her departure. She wanted him to know that she was there for him and whatever happened they would face it together. However, she had not figured he would seek Paula Agard out again except as a therapist. Donna had always known Harvey's appetite for women. In fact back in the D.A's office, Donna would almost always call him out for his immature behavior, but since he had reconciled with his family Harvey's womanizing behavior had all but vanished. So he was not out hunting for women just to use them, but actually trying to seek someone he could, dare she think it, love?

"Donna?"

Donna looked up and did not, at once, recognize the slim blonde lawyer who had addressed her.

"Oh, Katrina, I'm sorry. My mind was somewhere else," Donna said brushing a flame colored lock away from her face with a finger. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm here for the list of Jessica's clients you wanted me to claim."

"Yes, Jessica picked these clients especially for you. She felt that you would relate to these people better than the other senior partners."

"Senior partner?"

"Yes, I was thinking that Louis had promised you a senior partnership, and I think we need to get that public as quick as possible," Donna said. "The only problem is that Harvey will be gone a couple of more days before we can actually do the formal vote, but I know he wholeheartedly agrees with Louis."

Katrina smiled and asked, "What about you? Do you agree?"

Donna stood up and looked Katrina straight in the eye. "Katrina, although I am not a lawyer, I am a full partner, and I am all for it."

"Thank you, Donna. I will do my best to get new contracts signed with each of these clients."

"I'm sure you will," Donna said and then shook Katrina's hand. "Congratulations."

Katrina released Donna's hand and nodding left Donna's office with clients' files in hand.

Donna looked at her organized but paper strewn desk and saw the lists of clients that each senior partner and their one junior partner would attempt to convince remaining with SpecterLitt. She also had a list that she had made for Alex, but she was not feeling her best to speak with him. She would ask Louis and she knew he would do it for her because he somehow knew that she was not feeling her best. She and Harvey had not allowed Louis to know anything but in a rare empathic way Louis had come to realize that there was a new difficult situation between she and Harvey.

"Hey, Harvey, how's Boston?," Mike greeted his best buddy and mentor on his phone. It was Thursday night and Mike was sitting going over the current pro-bono case he was assigned. Mike was contemplating calling Oliver or Nathan to work on it with him, but so far Mike's time had not permitted him to contact the clinic as the firm's work was overwhelming without Harvey there.

 _"Boston's great, buddy. How's Donna?" Harvey asked concerned that she was overwhelmed with fallout from Jessica's departure._

Mike sniffed a little laugh. _It figures she would be the first one of whom he would ask. I hope he has seen the light or will shortly._

"She's doing fine. Handling Jessica's departure with aplomb and stealth," Mike said truthfully. One would not have known that Donna was sitting on the edge of her seat while her love, the man Mike was talking with, made up his mind about what relationship he wanted to pursue or maintain.

 _"Stealth?"_

"Stealth. She has assigned all of us including Katrina and Alex several of Jessica's old clients. Katrina's got old man Skeller. Donna told Katrina that Jessica chose who got whom. Did she?"

 _"No, that's Donna. She knows better than anyone who should contract with whom. Did she leave me any?"_

"Yeah, you have the oldest and most stodgy. However, until you get back to close them, Donna has gotten the next best person to close them for you," Mike said with a smile in his voice. He spotted Rachel sitting across from him with her hand over her mouth trying to quiet her laugh as Mike joked with Harvey.

 _"Let me guess...you." Harvey said sarcastically_.

"Yep, she even called me Baby Harvey," Mike said.

 _"Well, good luck with Hauser and Bratweizer of Capco. I've talked with them before and they don't trust anyone with a three piece suit that was not from Brooks Brothers. Do you understand?"_

"Yes, I understand, Harvey. So to what do I owe this call?"

 _"I was just wondering how Donna is_."

"Why don't you call her and find out?"

 _"Because I'd feel like I'm betraying Paula."_

"By the way, you may want to talk to Louis about Paula," Mike said wishing he had done as Rachel had indicated to him by shaking her head.

" _Why what's up with Paula?"_

"Apparently another legal matter arose with her. Louis wants to collaborate with me on the case against her and her ex."

 _"Her ex? The sneaky son of a bitch who cheated on her and made her feel like she was unloveable?"_

"Okay...I don't know anything about that but, Harvey, calm down." He could hear Harvey's jaw clench over the phone. "Louis and I have it under control. Besides I promised Louis I wouldn't tell you and now I have broken that promise."

Mike could see Rachel hit her head with her hand like saying to him aloud, "Stupid!"

 _"Well, I'm sure Louis can handle it. But maybe I should return to see Paula. Her career means a lot to her._

"No, I think Louis has got it. No need to cut your visit short."

"I just thought maybe I should be there for Paula to lean on."

"That's up to you, Harvey. I can't make that choice for you."

"...And _you're sure you don't need me to close Capco for you?"_

"Not at all. You just keep enjoying your time with your family. Come back clear headed, ok?"

 _"Sure, but we'll see what you mean by clearheaded," Harvey said in a worried voice_.

Mike caught the nuance in his voice.

"Hey, I got this!"

 _Harvey laughed over the phone. "Famous last words..."_


	8. Chapter 8

HI! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. I would tell you what bold italics mean and regular italics but I think you will enjoy this more if I let you figure it out for yourselves. Harvey's "vision" is based on my own experience. Please R&R.

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 8

" _ **Donna" Harvey said as he turned toward her. "Marry me?"**_

 _ **"I thought I told you I took care of that, too..." Donna responded trying not to get her hopes up at what the man who lie across from her asked.**_

 _ **" I mean it. I love you so much. I've wanted you but every time I thought we should pursue a personal relationship I know you'd leave me professionally. To tell you the truth, I can't be me at all without you...not just as my assistant," Harvey softly said as he creeped closer to her in her bed and laid his hand on her thigh. His other hand held his head up so he could look into her big dark green eyes. He kissed her. He knew she could see the love in his eyes. He no longer had to hide it or lower his head or smirk until Donna would give him the flirty, sarcastic look away.**_

 _ **"Harvey, are you sure? " Donna asked just as softly. She touched his stubbled cheek and kissed him back tenderly. "I mean it was just a few weeks ago that you were torn between Paula and me. Are you sure I'm the one you want? I want all of you. I deserve all of you...and most important I love all of you."**_

 _ **At that point, Harvey turned away and knew again that he had cheated on Paula. This time he had completed the act of total infidelity. A few weeks ago it was just a kiss to which he could not help but respond, but now he had completed his act of infidelity by taking Donna to bed something he would never regret and something buried deep in his heart that he had always desired to do again.**_

 _ **Donna sat up taking the sheet with her and covering her ample breasts from his view. His groin was uncomfortable knowing the sweetest pleasure in making love to this very special woman. Her hand touched his cheek and then ventured to his thigh in return. Harvey could feel himself hardened at her touch.**_

 _ **"Harvey, this was wonderful. You have made me so happy that you prefer me just now. I love you and I want you to be mine. However, look at what you're doing. You never officially broke up with Paula before you bedded me, so a kiss is one thing and I take full responsiblity for that; however, sex is the ultimate act of infidelity. If you cheated on Paula so fast, how do I know you won't cheat on me?"**_

 _ **Donna began to get out of bed. Before she was dressed completely, Harvey jumped out of bed. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to look at him.**_

 _ **"Well who made me cheat on Paula? You know I never had any ideas of that until you kissed me and then I know for sure you were who I wanted. I will break up with Paula and come to you if you'll have me, but she is fragile. She's not strong and fierce like you. She's gentle and been hurt before. I don't want to just break her heart outright. I need to break up with her gently."**_

 _ **"Well, I can't return to you completely until you do break up with her Harvey. You know it's wrong. I don't want to hurt you any longer. You never seemed to care about me every time you were with Scottie or Zoe or when you used Esther or any of your women."**_

 _ **"Donna, we were never together during those times," Harvey was surprised he had to explain.**_

 _ **"Remember you broke my heart every time you went off with Scottie because I knew she didn't love you like I love you. Remember she slept with you having been engaged to another man! You broke my heart when I had to witness your flirtatiousness with Esther. It had only been the previous month when you said you loved me. Esther,again, was a woman you used and then hurt. So until you figure this out, it's office only. You never cared if you were breaking my heart!" With that Donna picked up her purse and bag and left for the office.**_

 _ **"You had your rule!" Harvey shouted.**_

 _ **"I wanted to have more, but you turned tale and ran!"**_

 _ **"Donna, please, don't do this to me. I need you."**_

 _ **"Need?"**_

 _ **"No, love and need," Harvey heard himself say. "Please?"**_

 _ **She came back shortly and said,"I want you out of here by the time I return from work which probably won't be until around 9 pm. Remember I love you, but I deserve you and waited for you for so long."**_

 _ **Donna turned on her heel as Harvey clad only in his bathrobe stood outside on the street in front of Donna's apartment house and called for her to return so he could promise that he was through with Paula. However, Donna's cab kept drifting further and further from him while he called.."Donna!"**_

"Harvey...Harvey!" Marcus called shaking Harvey's shoulder. "Wake up, buddy."

Harvey was in a sweat. He opened his eyes and swiftly sat up and swiveled his head back and forth. He ran a hand over his face feeling the sweat on it and the prickle of his whiskers of his newly grown beard.

"Marcus!" Harvey exclaimed.

"You were calling for Donna," Marcus said handing his brother a cup of coffee. Marcus walked across the guest room and leaned against the chest of drawers.

"Are you ok?"

"Marcus, to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure."

"Well, I made the coffee. It's only six, so if you don't come out in a few minutes I'll know you fell back to sleep. It's ok. I think you need it. Besides M.J. can't wait until you get up. He's so excited that you decided to spend these last few days with us."

"He's a great kid, Marcus. So is Lynnie. She's absolutely beautiful. She reminds of mom. I saw a picture of mom when she was about eight. Lynnie resembles a slightly older version of her."

"Lynne also paints and draws. She learned so much from mom. Mom gave the kids free art lessons. She would love nothing better than to do the same for your kids someday," Marcus said taking a sip of his coffee.

Harvey took his cup from the nightstand and thought he detected a shot of vanilla which Donna had introduced to him. Once she knew he loved it, she always put in his coffee. It was one of their little secrets they shared that no one else had ever learned.

"Did Donna call you?" Harvey asked looking at Marcus.

"No. Why?"

"I do taste vanilla in here, don't I?" Harvey asked hoping he was not overreacting to this whole situation with his COO.

"Yep. However, Donna did not call...I like my coffee the same way, so I thought I would sneak it in to see if you detected a difference."

"Donna made my coffee like this the first time she was moved to my desk in the D.A.'s office."

"What did Paula do for you?"

"Gave me some stable moments. Makes me comfortable," Harvey said smiling.

"Is she comfortable in bed?"

"What is that supposed to mean? That's none of your business," Harvey said sitting up ready to crack his brother a new jaw.

"You're right. It isn't any of my business, but if you're going with one woman and you dream about the other one I think you really want the one you're dreaming of."

Marcus continued, "I think you know who you want, but you are too scared of screwing things up with Donna or hurting Paula. If you go with one, you will hurt the other. Which of these two would survive if you wanted the other?"

"What if I don't choose right now? I think I need to be away from each of them for a few weeks not just a few days. Jessica just left and I'm managing partner and I have to work on maintaining all of Jessica's old stodgy clients. Louis, Mike, Katrina, and Alex are doing that as we speak."

"So? I think you need to take time away. Donna would understand, I'm sure. She is COO, you know?"

"Well, that's not the only thing. I called and spoke to Mike last night and he told me that Paula and her ex are embroiled in a malpractice suit. It's only been a few months since her ex was suing her for half the business earnings and using our relationship to drag her name through the mud. He accused her of being unethical because I had been her patient before becoming her boyfriend. This time it involves both of them against an old patient. It's a malpractice suit. I'm afraid they will drag her through the mud again because of me. I installed Louis as her lawyer last time and he's great so I know she's in good hands."

"Do you love Paula?"

"I don't know! Goddamn it, Marcus!"

"Are you in love with Donna and want her in your bed?'

Harvey looked at Marcus. Harvey took a sip of the vanilla aroma in the coffee and he could see Donna's beautiful smile and her long red hair partially held back in a barrette. He could hear her say, 'I told you. I'm not like other secretaries. I'm Donna."

Marcus saw Harvey smile.

"I'll be down with M.J. in a few minutes. Thanks, little brother," Harvey said pulling back the covers and getting out of bed.

"Yeah, well, you need to name your firstborn after me not dad. Got it!"

"Middle name. There's already a Marcus Specter, Jr. in the world."

"True. I'll let you get dressed. Speaking of my namesake, remember he's always up 7 am sharp. He had a hard time sleeping last night because today is his birthday, so the minute he hears Uncle Harvey is up he'll come flying from his bedroom. I'm almost jealous." Marcus laughed.

"Don't be. He's your son and I know he loves you."

"Love ya, Harvey," Marcus said.

Harvey embraced Marcus with that manly hug and said, "Love ya, too, Marcus."

Later in the day as Harvey watched his nephew blow out his candles, he had a flash of another little boy blowing out candles on his cake. Harvey was not sure where the vision had come. It was not a memory of his or his brother's birthday or a previous birthday of M.J. because Harvey had not been invited to a previous birthday of M.J.'s. He blinked and shook his head and then took a sip of his coffee. The vanilla flavor remained on his tongue and somehow that made Harvey smile.

"Thinking of something pleasant, I hope," Lily said to her son as she had spotted him on the other side of the table.

"Yes, I was thinking how enjoyable being with my family is," Harvey said. He kissed his mom's cheek and then turned away to be on the other side of the kitchen.

Lily came over to Harvey and leaned against the counter as Harvey was doing.

"I'm glad you're here. I know I've missed you being here with us. I think your brother has felt the same hole."

"Well, no more. I promise I will get up here as much as my time permits or if you need anything. Hopefully Marcus won't get sick again, but if he does you call me," Harvey admonished because the last time Marcus' came out of remission no one had even told Harvey since his relationship was near non-existent with them.

"Have you made up your mind yet?"

"About whether I want to stay with Paula or pursue a relationship with Donna?"

"Yep, that choice."

"Let me tell you what just happened to me and maybe you can tell me what it means," Harvey said looking at his mother.

"I'm your mother, honey, not a psychic," Lily told her son and they shared a little levity.

Harvey looked down at his now empty coffee mug. He heaved a big sigh and then he looked at his mom and told her what he had just experienced.

"I don't know who this little guy is. I had never seen him before, but I could picture him as clear as day. He was about M.J.'s age, he had red hair and big brown eyes in a little round face and he blew out his birthday candles just like M.J."

"I think you were granted a vision of the future. I think you saw your son...yours and Donna's," Lily said laying a hand on her son's arm. "I think you know who you love because God granted you a vision of your son."

Harvey looked at his mom with doubt or fear in his eyes. He then returned his look to M.J. whom he spotted coming toward them carrying a piece of cake.

"Did you see me blow out all my candles, Uncle Harvey?" M.J. asked handing Harvey a huge piece of chocolate cake with chocolate icing. Marcus, Jr. happened to have the same favorite cake as his Uncle Harvey.

"I certainly did. Thank you for the cake. Are you going to help me eat this huge piece? I'm getting fat staying here so I don't think I can finish all of it."

M.J. smiled wide. "Nah, Uncle Harvey, you're not getting fat you're just getting old," M.J. said and laughed. "Hi Grandmom!"

"Hi, M.J.," Lily said as she bent down bestowing a little to kiss her grandson's cheek. M.J. made a face and attempted to wipe her kiss off his cheek, but looking up at Uncle Harvey M.J. decide he should not do that. He saw Harvey smile at him.

"Where's my present, Uncle Harvey?" M.J. asked seriously.

Harvey put down the cake behind him on the counter along with his empty coffee mug.

Harvey bent down slightly and pointed to a box across the room.

"M.J. turn around. Do you see that huge red wrapped present?"

"Yes," M.J. said with a slight lisp of the 's'.

"That's it. Go get it," Harvey told him. Before he had left for Boston, Donna had purchased a lightning fast track with remote control cars and matching video game for M.J. Somehow she knew that Harvey would not have the time to get an age appropriate or gender appropriate gift for his nephew. She did it as she always had done things although in her position she was no longer under obligation to do it. Harvey was surprised upon coming to her office that she had already picked up, purchased, and wrapped the present for him to take to Boston with him.

"How did you know what to get an 8-year-old boy?"

"I didn't, but Donna did. She was always the one to get presents even Secretary's day presents from me to her. She would pick them out and purchase them."

Just then M.J. came back over to his Uncle and persuaded him to get down on the ground of the living room and help him put together his racing car set.

Lily just continued to lean against the counter and contemplate her older son's fate as she watched him play with her grandson.

Mike and Rachel had just left Donna's apartment and were on the way home to their own.

Rachel who was still concerned for best gal pal said, "Well, I guess I may have to call my cousin to be my Maid of Honor. Our wedding is not too far away. I hope Donna will be all right."

"We'll see," Mike said. "Don't count Donna out of the wedding party just yet. I don't think anything between she and Harvey is resolved yet."

"I don't really care about who is in the wedding party right now anyway. I just hate seeing Donna so unhappy. She doesn't deserve that at all." Rachel crossed her arms and looked out the window at the passing streetlights.

"Harvey will be back tomorrow. I'm sure he'll be pissed, but he only has himself to blame."

"Yes, he does. Now he's really gone too far," Rachel said uncrossing her arms and laid her head on Mike's upper arm.

"I am so unhappy for them both. They are both so scared of something that we know together would be the best thing in the world for them. I have never seen two people more in love with each other and who were so scared to give it a try."

"Yep. The funny thing is we're younger and we're the ones that have to help them. I know we're not wrong about them. I just wished they knew we weren't wrong about them," Mike said putting his arm around his soon-to-be wife.

"No, I know. I've seen the way Harvey looks at her. I've seen the way Donna looks at Harvey. I've never seen such loving looks except when you look at me." Rachel eyed her fiancee. He bent down and kissed her.

The cab stopped at New York University Hospital.

The next day Harvey walked into the firm carrying a bouquet of flowers. He walked into Donna's office and was glad she had not come in yet.

"She's not here. She's not coming in, Mr. Specter," Gretchen said as she eyed him looking for a place for the flowers in his hand.

Harvey put down the flowers and quickly looked at Gretchen.

"What do you mean she's not coming in? I know she hasn't been herself lately. That's ok, Gretchen. I'll call her a little later. Say can you find a vase for these?"

"Are these for Donna?" Gretchen asked half smiling. Norma had kept her abreast of Harvey and Donna's seemingly platonic relationship, so she was fully aware of the love between them.

"Yes, but I don't see any free vases in the room," Harvey complained.

"You just leave them on her desk. I'll be right back to take care of them."

"Thank you, Gretchen."

"You're welcome. By the way, Louis is looking for you. Says it's a discussion about Dr. Agard's malpractice suit. He thought he keep his word and keep you informed of any developments."

Harvey walked out of Donna's office now with that familiar tug on his loyalty strings.

Harvey walked into Louis' office with a concerned face.

"Gretchen said you wanted to see me about Paula's case. What did you screw up Louis? I thought she was in good hands..."

"She was. Harvey, she was. Sit down."

"I don't want to sit down. What is going on?"

Louis placed a hand on Harvey's shoulder and coerced him into a sitting position.

Harvey started to panic. He began to tug at his tie and unbutton the top button of his shirt.

Louis noticed and handed Harvey a bottle of water.

"What happened Louis?"

Louis sat down on the edge of his desk and looked at Harvey with sympathy.

"Harvey, are you ok? Because I need to tell you something."

Harvey swallowed some water and then said panicky. "Just say it, Louis,"

"It's Paula. She's in New York Hospital. She tried to commit suicide," Louis said.

"She did what?! That doesn't make sense. She's a psychiatrist. They usually don't have issues..." Harvey stopped talking and rose from the seat. "Makes sense now. This wasn't just from the malpractice suit. She's reacting because she somehow knows that I want to break up with her and pursue a relationship with Donna."

Louis looked at Harvey. "What? You want to finally commit to Donna?"

"It's a long, screwed up story and it's indicative of my love life. By the way, where's Donna?"

"She's staying with her until we can find her ex. Donna went to your apartment to leave you some files on Jessica's former clients. I'm sorry. Donna didn't tell me more than that. She just said that if you called you were to come to New York Hospital at once."

Harvey said, "Thank you, Louis."

Harvey left Louis' office slightly more in panic but in control and with the swift feet of Mercury himself left the office.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok we are on the home stretch of this one. I hope you enjoy. Italics are thoughts and Bold italics is a fade into a Donna's experience. Thank you for all the kind reviews and I am glad you are enjoying it.**

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 9

Donna sat next to Paula's bed. She brushed a hair away from Paula's paler than usual complexion. She looked down the bed and saw the bandages covering her wrists. Then Donna looked up to see the blood bags being poured into Paula's veins. Paula had been unconscious now for about 36 hours. Mike and Rachel were good enough to stop at Donna's apartment and retrieve some fresh clothes for Donna since she felt responsible for this whole sad situation.

 _Well, I guess Harvey is lost to me forever now. He'll never love me after he sees what I'm responsible for with Paula. As soon as Harvey returns and Paula's ex is here to look after her as well, I am resigning from the firm. Jessica said I had a place with her if I needed one. Perhaps, I'll go there or I'll just go back home for a little while and see if my life really does just belong in my small town._

 _I was just thinking how ironic I've been. I told Harvey to reconcile and go to his family for help. Maybe I should have listened to my own advice. None of this would have happened if I just let Harvey go in the first place. He was happy..._

While the self-recriminating thoughts passed through Donna's mind, she looked up at the sound of a footstep entering the room.

"Harvey." Donna said and her heart beat a little faster as it always did when he walked into the room.

"Donna," Harvey took two steps across the room and took Donna in his arms and held her tight.

At Harvey's embrace Donna's pent up tears finally broke like a dam.

"I'm so sorry, Harvey," she cried so hard into his chest. She forgot without her four inch heels that she fit perfectly underneath his chin. It had been so long since he had held her like this.

"I'm so-o-o- so-rry," Donna cried harder. "This is...my fault. I should have left...you alone. I should have left the day after I kissed you..."Donna's recriminations were now said aloud.

"Shh...it's not your fault. Obviously Paula's insecurities were rooted too deeply."

She continued to cry until finally Harvey pulled back and looked into Donna's face. Her tears had smeared her makeup. He had taken her face into his hands and her red locks were bunched with her cheeks.

"Look, I am so glad you didn't leave. I need you, Donna. I love you."

Donna looked up at him and touched his face softly. Sanity and determination had finally returned to Donna's jumbled emotions. She knew what she had to do.

"No, you couldn't love me any more. Not after what I did. I made you cheat on your girlfriend. You were happy for once and I had no right to take what you weren't freely giving me. Now that you're here I can go. Paula's ex is coming, too, so promise me you won't have a duel and get killed. I'll be somewhere and I will know that you're not among the living. I want to know you're happy not dead."

Donna looked over at Paula's unmoving body and for a minute watched the heart monitor as it silently beeped. Donna decided that now was as good time as any and kissed Harvey again on the mouth. This time she broke the kiss swiftly and walked out the door.

Harvey looked at Paula and came over to the bed. She woke up and seeing Harvey she smiled.

"Harvey, you came back," Paula said.

"I always do," he said sitting on the edge of the narrow bed. "How are you?"

"Well, I'd be better if you would go after that woman before she leaves town. She loves you so much. I was horrible to her, but if it weren't for her my deed would have been completed and I would not be here. Edward is coming I keep hearing and I think maybe with this suit hitting us jointly we will be spending more time together."

"Paula..."

"Go find Donna, Harvey. I'll be fine."

"You know I never meant to hurt you. We had a couple of great months. I will always remember what you did give me."

Paula closed her eyes listening to Harvey. He really sounded like a grateful patient now. She would miss his deep, vibrating voice but she knew that he really belonged to Donna. It was time for her and her first love to see if there was anything left.

"What did I give you?'

"The knowledge that if I am with the right person I can be good."

"Yes, you are. Now go get Donna. Tell her I said 'thank you for saving me'," Paula said and allowed Harvey one final grateful hug.

"You'll be?"

"I'll be fine. Go get out of here."

Harvey smiled. "Thanks, Dr. Agard."

He found Donna on the roof of the hospital. He just wanted to look at her. How had he been so blind? They had happiness at their fingertips and all he ever did was push her away. She had sacrificed everything for him. She could have been successful on the stage. He would have gladly seen her every performance as he surreptitously did those few times when she was in a play.

Right now, she needed him to be strong. Just like Paula, Donna had undergone trauma as well. Donna was a heroine. She would always be his heroine...his Joan of Arc...his Wonder Woman...his love.

He came up behind her and put his arms around her waist from behind. She flinched once and then relaxed and tried to move away upon seeing who was holding her.

"Harvey, you're with Paula. You should not touch me that way. You know how it hurts me. Please don't tease me."

He gathered her closer and spoke softly and deeply.

"How can I be with Paula when I'm in love with you?" He kissed her ear and then trailed soft kisses down her neck ending at the curve connecting her long neck with her freckled shoulder.

"Tell me what happened," Harvey said as he continued to hold her from behind.

Donna was glad he was behind her because her voice would have faltered looking into those deep soft brown eyes.

"I went to your apartment to drop off the files of Jessica's clients that I assigned to you. I crouched down to leave them outside your apartment door forgetting that I had returned my key to you. As I crouched down I must have hit the door because it came open. I had not even realized that you had given a key to Paula, so I didn't think that I would find...her."

"Where was she?" Harvey asked placing his chin on top of her head and holding her tightly. He wanted to know that he was here for her. He never really abandoned her. He just, as usual, forgot who she was to him.

"I found her in her nightie on the balcony. She was going to jump. There was a red trail that led up to her climbing on your outdoor furniture. I approached her quietly..."

 _ **"Donna! How nice to see you at the end of my life!"**_

 _ **"Paula, what are you doing?"**_

 _ **"Why do you care? You've ruined my relationship with Harvey and now I will no longer have a practice. I can't really blame that on you, though. That's my own fault and Eddie's."**_

 _ **"Who's Eddie?"**_

 _ **"My ex who cheated on me. I told Harvey that it's a saying that any woman who can be cheated on is unloveable. I guess I was right because Harvey never told me he loved me."**_

 _ **"Well, I don't know who Harvey loves. He's told me he loved me, but he just was too scared to say how."**_

 _ **Paula began to climb onto one of the chairs which she had placed strategically near the wall of the balcony.**_

 _ **Donna ran forward and grabbed Paula in both arms and pulled her down before Paula could get to the ledge and jump. As Donna struggled with Paula, she locked her in a hold and dragged her into the living room. Donna realized the red trail was blood and it was emanating from Paula's slit wrists.**_

 _ **As soon as Donna got Paula in the condo, she shut the patio door and locked it and pulled the drapes closed.**_

 _ **"You have no right to save me, Donna! As a matter of fact you should be encouraging me. If I'm gone, Harvey is all yours."**_

 _ **Donna took her phone from the pocket of her coat and called 911. She pulled Paula over to the kitchen sink and with very cold water flowing from the faucet shoved her slit, bloody wrists under it.**_

 _ **"Ouch! That stings, you know."**_

 _ **"Paula, pull yourself together. Harvey will be back in a couple of days and I am sure that the last thing he wants is for you to be dead."**_

 _ **"Are you sure? I think he really loves you. He's just scared of you because of some stupid reason. He's afraid you'll leave him again."**_

 _ **"I am not his assistant anymore, so things are not the same between us. Paula are you drunk?"**_

 _ **"Yes, I am happy to say I am. Otherwise I would never have had the courage to do this in the first place! Physician heal thyself!" Paula exclaimed taking her wrist from Donna's grasp. Donna still had the other wrist holding it tight to stem the flow of blood still coming from it. She then dragged Paula into Harvey's bathroom. Donna maintained a fierce grip on Paula's one wrist despite the owner of the wrist flailing and trying to break free. It was a wonder that Donna was capable of rifling through the bathroom's vast mirrored cabinets. To no avail, though, Donna could not find an ace bandage, so Donna closed and locked the bathroom door and allowed Paula freedom in that room alone.**_

 _ **"Oh, how wonderful I'm starting to feel faint," Paula said still in her drunken voice. "I guess it's time to say goodbye now, Donna..."**_

 _ **"Look, you English shrinking violet, you're not dying on my watch. You got it!" Donna assured Paula as she tore a towel into strips lacking some other less flimsy bandage than a band aid. She took the strips of toweling and wrapped them around Paula's wrists tying the ends in knots. Paula was sitting on the edge of the tub looking more sallow and sad. Donna finally unlocked the door, but grabbed Paula by the upper arm and escorted her into the bedroom. Donna tried to allow Paula her freedom thinking that she was becoming too weak to actually fight her...**_

 _ **"**_ She was dressed in a short cotton nightie with your blue terry cloth bathrobe open. When I found her she was barefoot and had trailed the blood all over the living room floor out to the balcony. I arranged for your carpet and floors to be cleansed of the blood. "

"Thank you . What happened when the paramedics arrived?"

"She struggled so much that her wrists began to pump blood again and she was so agitated that they had to sedate her to get her out of the apartment."

"I'm sorry. I knew Paula was fragile, but I didn't know how fragile until now."

Harvey sighed deeply and let go of Donna's hand not realizing how tightly he had been holding it. He turned her around.

"Why did you just call 911 and then call me?"

"Because I knew that my place was to stay with her since I know you care about her. I knew you would have expected it of me. I have always taken care of things that you care for and that includes people. The only problem is that I am the only person that I forgot to take care of."

He turned Donna around and cupped her cool damp cheek with his hand.

"Let me take care of you now, Donna Paulsen, for the rest of our lives if necessary. I am no longer afraid." He then kissed her as she had kissed him not so long ago although now allowing the kiss to deepen.

Suddenly it began to rain and they both could feel the drops sluice down their bodies. When the kiss broke Harvey smiled at Donna whose makeup was truly smeared now and ran in black rivulets down her cheeks. Donna looked at Harvey whose spiky do had flattened. His face was wet now, too, however his eyes were bright and he smiled as he kissed Donna again.

They walked back arm-in-arm. Neither one cared that the rain was pouring down in buckets and had soaked them both thoroughly. Harvey pulled open the door that would lead them downstairs and back into the hospital. When they arrived back at the ward, Harvey checked on Paula and found her peacefully asleep. Donna had decided to wait for him outside in the waiting area.

While Harvey checked on Paula and made sure she was fine, a man with flowers ventured into the room.

"You're Harvey Specter," said the man who spoke with the same type of British lilt that Paula did.

"Yes, I am. You might be...Edward?" Harvey said barely containing his ire. Eddie had allowed Paula to feel unloveable and she really was not. It was just that Harvey had covered his own heart's yearnings for the woman just down the hall. He inadvertently used Paula and by the physicality and the loveability of Paula, Harvey realized that he could have a good loving relationship with Donna his one real true love. It was a shame that it had to come to a near death experience before Paula realized that she was really loved.

"Yes. How is she?" Eddie asked seeing a none too quiet look stemming from large brown eyes.

"She'll be fine from what I understand. Eddie, there's someone I need you to meet to thank for Paula still being among the living."

"Oh, no need, old chap. Donna already introduced herself, and she told me what happened. Although I think she may have dampened down her part in saving Paula, I thanked her profusely."

"Well, I already said goodbye to her. So, I was just waiting until you arrived to take care of her. You are going to love her, right? She's been hurt and I didn't realize how fragile her emotions really are," Harvey said as he continued to hard stare Eddie.

"Paula always harbored some insecurities even when we were together. This is one of the reasons she became a therapist. She wanted to help people overcome their insecurities. Now that we have this joint suit against us, I really need to reassure you that she's innocent from this. I am prepared to take the fall."

Harvey pulled at his shirt sleeves. They were still wet and uncomfortable underneath his jacket's sleeves. A chill ran down his spine as he addressed Eddie again.

"Promise me that you will take proper care of her. She wants to be loved so badly and she is worthy of it. I know she still loves you, so I am holding you accountable if I get wind of anything happening to her. Remember Louis is from my firm and I will be keeping tabs," Harvey nearly threatened the man.

"No trouble here, Mr. Spec...Harvey. I want to convince her to marry me and then we can have that life I promised her before I plunged us into living hell."

Harvey shook Eddie's hand.

"Good bye, " Harvey said as he walked past Eddie and attempted to leave the room.

"I just wanted to thank you for making Paula's last couple of months more happier than she had ever been with me."

"You can rectify that. For the record, she helped me to realize a few things as well."

"Eddie?" Paula's slumberous voice said.

Eddie immediately went to her and showed her the immense bouquet of flowers he had brought for her enjoyment.

As Harvey left the room, he heard Paula tell Eddie, "I'm so glad you came back."

Harvey smiled as the door closed behind him and searched for his own love.

Harvey found her in the commissary of the hospital.

"Here you are! I thought you disappeared into thin air!"

Harvey took a seat across the little table from where Donna sat drinking a hot beverage.

"Miss me?" Donna joked realizing that, perhaps, they could get back to being "them". The downward spiral of their "lost" relationship had begun when Donna became COO and Harvey had retreated to the arms of Paula.

"Of course, I missed you," Harvey said sitting down on the other side of the small round table. He had to admit it felt good to be open with his emotions. He had hid them for far too long especially from this woman who meant everything in the world to him.

Donna decided to take a moment and prepare Harvey a cup of coffee. She looked around for some type of substitute for the vanilla flavor, but she came up empty.

"I hope that's not too bitter. There's no vanilla over at the counter," Donna said as she put the cup down on the table in front of Harvey. Donna sat back down and resumed drinking her tea and Harvey drank his coffee. The cold October rain had chilled them. Harvey saw Donna shiver. He felt a chill himself.

"Oohh, I miss the vanilla," Harvey said. As Harvey drank his coffee he definitely missed the vanilla scent and flavor that Donna always poured in.

"You know what?" Harvey teased Donna.

"What? You were joking, right? You really are going to turn back to immature Harvey and go off with some other woman for a one night stand?" Donna asked amused at his riddle.

"No, not at all. Now I'm going to sound like I am off my rocker, but while I was away in Boston, I think I had a vision of our son blowing out his candles on his fifth birthday," Harvey said.

"What! Did you put Scotch in your Cheerios while you were with Marcus?

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't remember drinking anything alcoholic at all. Just a beer when I first arrived."

As they sat drinking their warm beverages, Donna lowered her eyes. She was suddenly conscious of Harvey unabashedly staring at her. She had to diffuse the moment. It was silent between them. The gravity of the situation and how he had claimed her as his...at last; had brought a comfortable silence between them.

"So this vision you had, how do you know it was our son? This is the reason that you think you want to be with me?"

Harvey looked sternly at his love.

"I know he's our son because he has red hair and big brown eyes."

Donna laughed a little.

Harvey took her hand.

"Donna, I need you to know that this was not an easy decision for me. I didn't want to hurt either one of you, nor was I that sure of myself until..."

"Until you saw our son in a vision?" Donna grasped his hand a little tighter in her own. She then bent over the table and kissed him. She knew if they wre together the rest of their lives that she would never tire of kissing him or holding him or he holding her. She smiled and before resuming her seat Harvey pulled her around the other side of the table and onto his lap. He seemed unapologetic about the uninhibited public display of affection.

Before they attempted to leave, Donna acknowledged what he had said a few minutes ago. "You said this wasn't an easy decision for you. What did that mean?"

Harvey kept her hand in his and prevented her from moving from his lap. He looked into her intelligent green eyes looking for that unconditional love she so freely gave him. He intrepidly ventured forth after capturing that look.

"It was a hard decision because I felt safe with Paula. My professional life was not tangled with her and I was comfortable."

Donna stared at Harvey. With difficulty, she continued to question him asking if he was not being too hasty. She was relatively certain that if he changed his mind back that Paula would throw over her Eddie to once again be involved with Harvey.

"While I was with Paula, I came to realize that safe is great, but that's all it would ever be. I know I told Mike that life is like this (he demonstrated a flat line), but I like this (raised his hand higher). I didn't realize that applied to my love life. You are the one I love and always have. I dream about you and I still think you are the most amazing woman I have ever ment. I want to love you like that even if you decide to move on with your rule. All that is important is that I know I can't live without you in some capacity. I've had your professional self for a long time. I want to have your personal self now."

"Did you ever think I might be scared, too?"

"I did when your life was on the line. I knew then. When else have you ever been afraid?"

Harvey smiled and could not help keeping the love and mirth from his voice and eyes.

"I must admit. I am awesome, but I am human and a woman."

"I do know that. I didn't secretly stare at you outside my office for 12 years now, did I?"

"I know you did. Why do you think I dressed the way I did?" Donna smirked with a sidelong glance at Harvey. She put her arms around his neck and nibbled on his ear.

"So you did remember that I was a human and a woman because there were many, many times I think you totally forgot."

"Not on your life, baby. Getting back on topic when were you ever scared?"

"Before I kissed you. I was so scared that I would never know for certain that you were the man I was meant to be with...my one great love. Did I waste my life putting you first? We're not even as young as Mike and Rachel anymore..."

"That doesn't matter anymore either. I am not afraid because I know you'll be there for me."

Donna smiled from ear to ear and then they shared a long, loving kiss.

When the kiss broke they both looked at each other and said simultaneously: "Let's go home."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi Again all following Darvey fans! I tried hard to make this a fic where Paula wins, but I could not bring myself to do it! I am not sure if I am putting an epilogue to this or want to leave this as is. Let me know if you would like one or if it is fine as is. Thanks to all the followers and favoriters of this little fic that I started writing to pass time until Suits is back in January. Love - Carebearmaxi.**

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 10

Home at the moment was Donna's apartment because the sanitation company had not yet cleansed Harvey's apartment of Paula's attempted suicide. Silence reigned in the car ride home. Harvey reached over and took Donna's hand and brought it to his lips. She stroked his cheek and smiled. Although Harvey had made it plain that he was choosing Donna over Paula, Donna was still not sure if he would still have courage in the morning. They needed a long overdue emotional talk and, perhaps, something else.

"Donna?"

"Yes, Harvey," she responded and stroked his cheek again.

"Aren't you happy now?" Harvey wondered at the silence and the puzzling look on her face.

"Yes, at the moment, I'm very happy," Donna said. She bent and gentling cupping his strong jawline in her hand she turned to him and kissed him to let him know that she was very happy.

"That's odd. You don't look like you're happy," Harvey said worried.

Donna kissed him again and deepend their kiss just a little more to let him know that she did not want him to leave her again or, worse, choose someone else.

"Thank you, I think. Why the strange sad look?" Harvery asked laying a finger on her jawline and keeping her from turning away from looking at him in the eye.

"I don't know exactly."

"I love you, Donna. I was a fool before."

Donna smiled and said, "We both were."

The cab pulled up in front of Donna's building. Harvey handed the cabbie some cash and then he got out and taking Donna's hand helped her alight as well. She pulled her key out of her purse while Harvey carried the bag now holding Donna's worn clothes. They climbed the two flights of stairs to her apartment 206.

Harvey gave a little laugh as Donna unlocked the door.

Donna turned around at Harvey's titter.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking how many times I've been here now since that awful dinner party and the..."

"..other time," they said together.

Donna smiled at Harvey and they shared a familiar look.

Harvey pushed the door open and Donna preceded him into the living room.

 _I thought we would be all over each other. She must still be feeling badly over Paula's attempt. I guess it's up to me to tell her it wasn't her fault. It wasn't. It was mine because I was too stupid to realize that my feelings for Paula were actually transference because Donna is truly the one who knows me better than anyone else and whom I have to thank for the reconciliation with my family. How could I be so stupid!_

Harvey took a seat on the couch and as Donna was going to walk away from him he reached out and took her wrist and gently coerced into sitting next to him.

"Harvey, I have to turn up the heat. Don't you think it's chilly in here?"

"I'll keep you warm. Sit down. I think we need to talk," Harvey said not taking his eyes from her until she sat beside him.

"What do you want to talk about?" Donna said.

"You seem like there's a problem now that I told you I am in love with you. I was hoping we'd be doing something else besides talking."

Donna leaned over and kissed him. She then she whispered, "So what did you have in mind, sailor?"

Harvey smiled. "Well, not this, but I think we do really need to talk."

Donna leaned back and looked at Harvey as if he were not...Harvey. "Wow, usually it's me telling you we have to talk. This is weird."

"I just want to say that you've been very quiet and not yourself from the moment I kissed you. I thought we'd be in there rolling around the sheets."

Donna rose. She turned around and looked down at him.

"Harvey, I am happy. I just can't help blaming myself for what happened to Paula. I suppose she blames me, too."

Harvey gave Donna a sympathetic look. "No, as a matter of fact, she doesn't. She actually made sure I tracked you down before you did something stupid like leave town just when I came home to get you."

That was a lot for Harvey to admit, but ever since he reconciled with his family he was more in touch with his humanity and it did not feel so abhorrent for him to show actual emotions.

Donna came to sit back on the couch and hesitated only once before she kissed him. Harvey drew her close to him, taking her into his arms, drew her on top of him.

After some more passionate kisses, Donna came up for air. She managed to make her way to a sitting position next to Harvey.

"Donna, what is it?" Harvey was getting rather agitated now. He knew now that he had been fooling himself all these years. He was in love with her and he wanted her like he had never wanted any other woman who had been with him in years.

"I'm just not sure."

"Sure? Of whom? Of me...of yourself?" Harvey questioned. He tried not to raise his voice.

"Harvey, I'm sure of me. I know I love you and I want you and I am very happy that you want me. However, I am really scared. I have been so hurt over the years and I have not been sure of myself for such a long time that I am scared. I want to make you happy. I wanted more. You gave me my promotion which I love. You now say I have you and I know that should be the cherry on top, but I want to make sure that I am enough for you."

"Donna, if it weren't for you kissing me and me kissing you back, I would still be blind. You think you're scared? I am terrified. You are my greatest love and, if I ever lose you now, either by my own stupid fault or death, I will have panic attacks and be so lost that I will never find myself."

Harvey looked deeply into Donna's eyes. His heart was aching for her. He had done this to her by neglecting her and treating her as if she did not matter to him. She was so wrong and that was what he had wanted to convey to her. He had to be better.

Harvey took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply again attempting to gain her trust that now that she had him. He was hers for always. She loved him unconditionally and she had to know that he loved her the same way. He always had.

"Love me, Donna, please?" Harvey pleaded quietly.

Donna could feel his voice vibrate against her skin. Her skin burned where his hand caressed her. She bent forward and deepend his kiss and suddenly she realized that he was sure and finally she allowed herself to respond to him.

"Make love to me, Harvey," Donna whispered.

"I'd never thought you'd ask," Harvey said and smashed his lips onto hers.

As they continued to kiss, he picked Donna up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

They lay quiet in Donna's bed. She smiled as she stroked Harvey's chest. Harvey lay drowsily encircling Donna in his arms. He thought he was content before, but nothing like now. He never felt so fulfilled then when he was totally inside the woman he loved. His stroke and kiss and touch was gentle and fierce and full of love and passion. Harvey, for once, felt like he had actually left earth as he lay encompassed between Donna's thighs. Then they reversed roles and Donna rode him . She had leaned over him and moaned as he moved within her. Her long red tresses hanging like a curtain to which his only focus was her eyes and lips and mouth. Her breasts tantalizing to the touch and sweet to the taste as he suckled them.

Toward the climax Donna had not felt such fulfillment since the first time she had lain with this man. Back then they had a little more stickiness with all the whipped cream. However now they did not need a whipped cream gimmick for enhancing pleasure or joy, and they need not tease their way into each other's arms and pretend that this was never going to happen again.

"Harvey...Oh..Harvey," Donna moaned as she writhed on top of him. Harvey increased his rhythm until finally he was fulfilled and his essence poured out of him and into Donna. When she was so exhausted and sated, she allowed Harvey to slip from her and she laid to his side where he immediately encircled her in his arms.

"Are you happy now?" Harvey asked quietly at peace.

"Yes. Are you?"

"Very. I don't want the morning to come," Harvey said.

"Well, we could take the day off?" Donna reasoned.

"Now what would the managing partner and the COO say to that?" Harvey joked kissing Donna on top of her head.

"Oh, I think they would agree. Specter Litt can wait a day."

"Ok," Harvey said seductively and turned over and kissed Donna again.

A little later that morning, Harvey stroked Donna's hair and a feeling of deja vu came over him. Although the last woman with whom he had sex was Paula, he remembered he did the exact same thing. However, _it doesn't feel the same. Is it me? Is it because this is my real love? This is Donna._

He just watched her sleep. He could not help but notice how she smiled as she slept. Her beautiful red mane strewn all over the pillow. During the night he immediately woke when she slipped from his arms only to turn the other way. He could not help but follow her and spoon behind her resuming that wonderful sensuous warmth that one only feels when you have known another intimately. He only woke a few moments ago and turned to the other side. He did not turn away but separated himself so he could see it was Donna lying beside him. His dream of their being together had been almost as wonderful as the real thing. He almost pinched himself because he could not believe how in love he allowed himself to feel.

Donna lay with her one hand underneath her pillow and the other curled underneath the voluminous quilt and blankets. She knew Harvey was watching her and she savored the moment. She was actually awake but she did not want the moment to end, so she remained quiet. She could not help it any longer when Harvey bent down and kissed her forehead.

"Had enough of me yet?" Donna asked sleepily with her eyes closed.

"Never," Harvey said. "I never knew a woman could be so beautiful just lying there."

"Thank you, Mr. Specter. I will take that as a compliment."

She then opened her eyes and bent forward and kissed him. When she broke away the bright sunlight was coming through the blind. She glanced at the clock and it read 10:30 am.

All at once there was a knock on the door and a constant pushing of the doorbell.

"Harvey! Donna!"

"We know you're in there!"

Mike and Rachel were standing outside of Donna's door with a bottle of champagne and four plastic glasses. They knew instinctively that Harvey stayed the night since Paula had given him the final heave-ho for his own good.

"Mike, maybe, we should just let them be..."

"Are you kidding? I'd never forgive myself if I didn't razz old Harve about how long it took him to you know (coughing) Donna."

Rachel laughed herself and then banged on the door one more time.

"Donna, I know you're having a great time. Let us share some of it with you!"

"Oooo, that sounds kinky future Mrs. Ross."

"Shut up, pervert."

"You said it..."

Suddenly the door opened with a disheveled Donna dressed in only her floral silk robe and nothing else.

"Ok, you two, get in here before my neighbors call the cops on me for disturbing the peace."

"It's almost 11 am. There's no peace left to disturb," Rachel responded with a sideways smile.

Harvey then emerged, also dressed in one of Donna's longer robes.

Rachel and Mike busted out the biggest smiles.

"We are so happy for you two!" Rachel said and went to hug Harvey first.

Harvey smiled and hugged Rachel back and then Mike took Donna's hand in his and looked deeply into her big green eyes.

"You see what happens when you take a friend's advice. Who said you and Harvey didn't want to be together?"

Donna kissed Mike on the cheek.

"Thank you, Mike. I guess you were right."

Mike smiled.

"Of course I was."

After they all drank a toast to the newest happy couple, Mike broached the elephant in the room first.

"Uh-oh, who wants to tell Louis?"

All four looked at one another and burst into laughter.


	11. Chapter 11

**HI All! Thank you for continuing to favorite and like this story. I thought I had finished with the last chapter, but I did not feel there was enough closure as to Paula's relationship with Harvey and Donna. I liked writing this chapter. I hope you do, too. Thank you - Carebearmaxi**.

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 11

The next day at the firm proved to be rather interesting. Donna and Harvey arrived in together he having called Ray to pick him up from Donna's and take him home so he could get dressed for the office. Then he rode back an hour later to pick Donna up so they could ride in together. Ray at once saw the difference in Harvey and was dying to find out the details, but Ray would just bide his time until he saw how events unfolded.

As they both got out of the car, Harvey handing Donna out like the lady she was, Ray said his goodbyes leaving Donna and Harvey staring at one another as they both gazed at the sky as far as their eyes could see.

Donna looked up toward the sky and then at the man who stood next to her. She finally felt a million feet high and not just from wearing her sky high Jimmy Choos. She was in love and hopelessly so only now it was hopefully because he loved her back just as much. He was scared and so was she because she knew how frightened he was of losing her. Luckily she took the first move which maybe she should have done years ago instead of waiting for him to grow up. She took his arm and Harvey grasped it in the crook of his arm and placed a hand over hers where she held him. Donna looked at him and, joyfully, let her guard down and allowed him to see the love in her eyes. Donna could see that in his Harvey's gaze which was usually guarded somewhat no such wall existed now. He kissed her briefly.

"Well, are you ready to start the day, Ms. Paulsen, COO, of Specter Litt?" Harvey asked smiling happily at her.

Donna hung back for a moment and said, "Are you sure you don't want to wait a little before we tell the world our current status."

Harvey gave her a quizzical glance. "Donna, this has been almost 13 years in the making. I don't care what anyone thinks or what those stupid by laws say. You're mine and I want the whole world to know that Harvey Specter finally won the ultimate prize."

"Careful there, Specter, your ego is showing...and I love it," Donna said and kissed him again.

Walking with her hand tucked inside the crook of his arms, Harvey walked with Donna into the firm's building.

At the 50th floor, the doors opened and Harvey and Donna hung back waiting to be the last to get off. Louis met them at the doors.

"Well, it's about time that 1/2 the partnership get here," Louis said and then noticed as Harvey bent toward Donna.

"Excuse me, Louis. I'll deal with the crisis in a minute. There's something I have to do first."

He suddenly took Donna in his arms and turned her to face him. She placed her arms around his neck and their lips came together in a warm, titillating kiss. Louis looked away realizing now the new status of his managing partner and Chief Operations Officer.

After they finished and their gaze from each other was taken away to Louis who stood there and smiled and laughed oddly. Louis, getting on the elevator whose doors just opened, turned around and said, "I need a day."

The doors closed and Donna and Harvey laughed.

Mike had spotted them and started to applaud to which everyone joined in.

"Well, it's about damn time," Gretchen said as she had witnessed her boss leaving at Harvey and Donna's open PDA.

"Ok, people, show's over. Back to work," Harvey said loud and clear. With his hand at the small of her back, Harvey accompanied Donna to her office.

_ "Harvey."

"Paula? How are you?" Harvey asked quietly. Although a thick wall separated their two office, Harvey instinctively took a look to the right as if Donna was standing next to his desk. It was not too far off the truth because Donna came in just as he started to converse with her.

"I'm good, now. I just wanted to say thank you for the last few months. It was nice," Paula said.

Donna came to sit down in front of Harvey's desk. She could tell by the hushed soft tone of his voice that he was talking to Paula. He did not even use that tone with her. When he did speak to her now it was his special voice that he used just for her. At least that was what Donna liked to think having known the man and his ways for so long she just wanted to be secure in his love for her. Donna looked at him and mouthed Paula's name in a question to see if she were correct in her assumption.

Much to her gratification, Harvey nodded positively that it was Paula on the other end of the line.

"The doctors let me go this morning. I am in treatment for depression and have a nice new watchdog to make sure that I don't try suicide again."

Harvey simply nodded.

"Harvey, would you and Donna like to come to my house for dinner sometime soon? I would like to thank her especially for being as good as she was to me. It can't have been easy for her."

Harvey went from his reclining position to immediately sitting up. Donna scooted further up in her chair.

"Paula, let me see how Donna feels about that, ok?"

He put his hand to the receiver and moved forward even more. Donna pushed her chair up further to Harvey's desk and placed the call on hold. She then removed his hand from the receiver and put it back on the handset.

"Don't worry. I didn't hang up on her. Don't you think it's about time you learned for yourself how to put people on hold?" Donna quipped.

Harvey tittered slightly and then smiled. "I think I put people on hold very well. I've had you on hold for 13 years."

"No, you were just scared. It has nothing to do with "hold" unless you'd like to do right now."

Donna then rose and came over to where Harvey sat and slithered onto his lap and kissed him fully on the mouth.

"What about Paula?" Harvey asked sliding into his sexy voice and while he placed kisses on Donna's neck and was working his way down when Donna piped up and said, "You can tell her yes."

"How do you know what you're saying yes to?" Harvey asked as he shifted Donna on his lap as his trousers were growing tighter by the minute.

"Well," Donna said and then started sucking on his ear. "She's wants us to come to dinner to thank you for...being in her life ( Donna nibbled his ear and proceeded down his neck and smoothed back his hair with her hand) and me for saving it."

"You are an amazing woman, Donna," Harvey said with heavy lidded eyes and then he kissed Donna and their kiss was deep and their tongues entwined.

"She's waiting."

"I waited for 13 years. She can wait 13 minutes," Donna said and then straddled his thighs and they continued to kiss deeply for what seemed many minutes but in reality were quick passionate kisses. Then Donna stopped, smiled slyly and removed herself from Harvey's lap. She quickly moved to the other side of the desk and removed her chair as if nothing had just happened.

Harvey on the other hand was good and flustered. He had to take a few deep breaths and calm his wildly beating heart and his tight suit pants before he resumed speaking on the phone with his former girlfriend.

"Harvey? Everything ok?" Paula asked.

"Everything is great. I'm sorry to have put you on hold for so long, but a mini-crisis came up (he popped the "p" on up ). Donna said thank you and that she would not mind coming to dinner."

"Good. Eddie is here and he promised he would cook. He's a far better cook than me."

"Friday , then, around 8?" Harvey asked.

"Surely. Thank you Harvey and thank Donna for me, too."

"You're welcome. See you two on Friday," Harvey said and hung up the phone. He just stared at Donna who had remained like a schoolgirl waiting for a commandment from the principal before moving. He smirked and she smirked.

"Friday at 8. Can we get back to work now?" Harvey asked sarcastically because all he wanted to do was to take Donna right there in his office. Unfortunately that was one of the downs of having glass walls.

"Sure, Harvey. I'll be right next door if you need me," Donna winked teasing Harvey as she flipped her hair and walked back to her office.

Harvey just shook his head and thought: _God, I love her!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi All Darvey lovers! Sorry, I haven't updated this for a while. I was debating whether to add this chapter. I finally decided that I wanted Donna to have another time with Paula before they said Sayonara to her! Let me know what you think good or bad! Thank you to all you followers and readers I really am encouraged by your comments and thoughts.! - Love, Carebearmaxi.**

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 12

Friday night happened very quickly. Donna and Harvey were spending a few last moments in the office together before heading over to Paula's house. For Donna she could not help feeling bad because she felt she had somehow caused Paula's breakdown. Simultaneously, Donna could not help feeling victorious because she had gotten her real "more" that she wanted by going after it or him. Miraculously, Donna's selfishness in kissing Harvey clarified for Harvey with whom it was he was really in love.

Harvey had just rose from his chair as Donna had stepped onto the threshold of his office. He smiled and his eyebrows were raised because he noticed a strange look on his love's face.

"Are you sure you're ok with this, Donna?"

Donna smiled and said, "Yes, I said I was. Besides I think it's a good thing to get closure on your relationship with Paula.

Harvey hung his head and said, "I guess that's why I was attracted to Paula."

Donna smirked and said, "Why? Because she's so much like me? If that's the reason..."

Harvey lowered his head to one side and gave her a sidelong glance.

"Yes, she is like you, but in my case she only knew me because I went to her after you left me and my other...issues..."

"Like your relationship with your mother..."

"For which I still recognize that you were with the one that helped me face things and realize that it was long time for me to do that. By the way my mom is going to love you," Harvey said walking over to the doorway of his office where Donna stood.

"You think she'll like me more than if she had met Paula?"

Harvey smirked and again gave Donna sidelong glance. "You really want me to pour it on, don't you?"

Donna rolled her eyes as if she still could not fish a compliment out of him.

"Don't bother. She's going to love me." Donna squeezed Harvey's face into a pucker and pulled him forward until he kissed her. Then taken a bit by surprise her arms slid around his neck and his arms around her waist. They kissed not wanting to stop.

When their kissing had come to an end, they stared into each other's eyes, smiled, and then laughed aloud. It was good to feel free from complications and hiding from one another how much they cared.

Then Harvey with his hand on the small of her back, led Donna from his office to the bank of elevators.

_H&D_

They sat at Paula's large dining room table. Donna sitting next to Paula on her right as she sat rightfully so at the head of the table. Harvey sat across from Donna on Paula's left and Eddie sat on Harvey's left. Donna could not help noticing the ace bandages Paula still wore over the stitches which had sewn the slits in her wrists. Her hands were a little stiff and Donna wondered if Paula were afraid her wrists would suddenly open and she would begin to trail blood again. That was probably why Eddie did all the heavy lifting.

"So," Paula said raising her wineglass. "Here's to new beginnings with old friends."

Donna looked across at Harvey. His look transmitted his puzzlement at Paula's strange toast. They toasted to it and sipped their wine. Donna and Paula suddenly started talking at once.

"Paula..."

"Donna..."

"No, you go first," Paula said.

"Ok. I just wanted to say thank you for having us for dinner. Your home is lovely," Donna said. _I wonder what the bedroom looks like since it seems Harvey spent a lot of time there recently. Maybe I don't want to know or even care. He chose me in the end._

"You're welcome, Donna. I'm glad you came because I can never repay you for saving my life. I am embarrassed since a psychiatrist is supposed to be smart enough not to fall into the normal human traps."

"Well, like you said," Harvey chimed in. "Psychiatrists don't know everything."

"I do know that I am bipolar. It stems from a biochemical imbalance. I was not diagnosed until I was a teenager."

Paula took a sip of her wine and then Eddie returned from the kitchen carrying the roast beef dinner he had been preparing all that day.

"Oh, Eddie, it looks wonderful," Donna said as she sipped her wine again. She glanced at Harvey and wondered if he were regretting his decision. _Probably not. He has issues with normal people though not as many now. I wonder what would have happened had she gone off her meds while they were still involved. Oh, I know. He would have called me and then told me to call 911, and I would have done it because I love him and I wouldn't want him to hurt in any way._

As Harvey sat at the table in good view of both Donna and Paula, he could not help but compare. Paula was pretty, intelligent, and a compassionate person with a few insecurities of her own. In the few months he had gotten to know her, he felt protective of her. They did have pleasurable sex, but as soon as Harvey allowed himself to touch Donna again sexually he realized what he had been missing.

Donna was the love of his life. Their connection had happened the minute she had approached him in that bar so many years ago and told him that she did not want sex with him. Donna was beautiful with her luscious red hair, big dark green eyes and long model's legs. Her body was exquisite and fit so perfectly with his. She had great empathy practically a clairvoyant and kind and giving. She gave to him so much not just now but over the years that Harvey had to recognize finally that she had given up most of her dreams to support him in his as a woman who really loved a man would do. She had done this without Harvey realizing it until a couple of years ago before Mike's fraudulence had been exposed and its aftermath. When Donna had gone to work for Louis, it was because Harvey had been either too afraid or was too confused as to how he really loved Donna and endeavored not to lose her.

Harvey thought as he continued to gaze upon his love. _Why am I here? Despite what Paula wants I really don't think this is a good idea. How could I have been so blind? I look at Donna and there is my future and may past-with her._

Pleasant dinner conversation ensued and actual laughter at some of Donna and Harvey's funnier moments came to light. Harvey was glad to see Paula smile because everything that happened between them was not her fault. He had told her once that he had pursued her not the other way around to which she reasonably argued that transference was not uncommon from a patient to his therapist.

"So, Harvey, where do you think will happen now that you're with Donna?" Eddie asked him.

"I'm not sure yet. We're taking it kind of slow for now."

Eddie sipped his dark wine and looked at Harvey with raised eyebrows.

"Well, I know you probably don't need my advice, but I just want to say that grab Donna and don't let go for anything. Thanks to you I got Paula back. I am going to let her heal a little more and than I will ask her to marry me again."

"What about your practice? That seemed to be a real bone of contention between you the first time." Harvey said quizzing Eddie with a raised eyebrow and a sidelong glance at Paula.

"Well, we're going to be separate this time. To love and work together didn't work for us as well as it seems to work for you and Donna."

"I couldn't agree more...now. There was a time when Donna would not have it. She never mixed business with her love life until a few years ago."

"Oh so you were involved before, not professionally, I mean?" Eddie asked

Harvey looked uncomfortable and gave Eddie a look as if he did not want to be analyzed.

"Eddie, I really don't want to go down that path. It is really none of your business. You just worry about Paula. She needs someone to take care of her."

"Well, I know that. I knew that before you did," Eddie said brusquely.

Donna and Paula just continued to eat and observe the conversation between their male counterparts. As they continued to finish their meal and drink a little more wine, conversation evaporated between all four people. Paula and Eddie exchanged looks that were more questioning than anything else. Donna and Harvey looked at one another knowing each other so well that they no longer wanted to be there-together. Silently Harvey was signaling to Donna when she thought they could politely leave. Harvey did not want to really offend anyone here. He really liked Paula and she had been good to him he thought. He knew Donna felt differently about that.

Suddenly Donna said to Paula, "Well if everyone is finished then I will start clearing the table."

"No, Donna, you don't have to do that. You're my guest," Paula protested.

"Truthfully, Paula, there's not too much you can do with your healing wrists. So I don't mind, really, " Donna said as she rose and took her plate and Paula's plate. Paula rose as well carrying a couple of water glasses and followed Donna into the kitchen.

Harvey wiped his mouth with his napkin as his eyes followed Donna's straight back walk into the kitchen.

"Hey Harve, I think we can still catch the game. I know you're into sports. Donna told me your biggest client is Michael Jordan," Eddie said.

"Among others. By the way, it's Harvey, not Harve," Harvey mentioned almost with disdain. He really wondered what Paula saw in this guy. _Not my problem. As long as he loves her and doesn't cheat on her anymore._

"Sorry, old chap. Didn't mean to offend." Eddie said seeing automatically what Paula saw in this guy. Eddie was so unlike Harvey. The perfectly coiffed hair, the ego, and the guy's prowess in bed was probably a lot for Eddie now to match.

"None taken. I just don't like a nickname for myself."

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Paula and Donna had brought all the dishes and glasses except the wineglasses which they would keep for after dinner drinks. Donna did most of the heavylifting and started to prepare the dishes for the dishwasher by scraping the remnants of the food into the garbage disposal.

"You know, the last time I was here I only saw your office. How long have you lived here?"

"Only about five years, Eddie's office was on the other side when were had our practice together. Since then I sublet it as an apartment, however, at the moment I don't have any tenants."

"That must be interesting subleting. I used to rent a home with three other girls when I was just finished college. It was a horrible experience. The worst was that we were subletting from an older woman who thought we should follow her rules."

Paula laughed. "No wonder. I can imagine four twenty-somethings living below me."

Donna laughed herself. "I thought it was horrible at the time. I can only sympathize with the landlady subletting to four 22-year-old theater majors.

Paula perched on a table and crossed her arms as she watched Donna scrape the dishes and then place the dishes in the dishwasher.

"I guess this wasn't a good idea. There's not much I can do and I'm host."

"It's okay, Paula. I do not have a problem with this. It beats doing the dishes by hand. I always have to do that when I visit my parents because they don't have a dishwasher."

"Oh."

"Just for the record, I did give Harvey a way out of our relationship before it came to this," Paula said as she held up her wrists.

"Well, I know Harvey. Either he was oblivious to the opening or he just wanted to ignore it because too much emotional thinking can still be hard for him." Donna stated this with a sidelong glance at Paula wondering if Paula was attempting to analyze her.

"He had been reluctant to tell you of our involvement from the beginning, but he had no problem telling Louis, it seemed."

"Mmhm, I see that."

"Has it always been that way between you. Each afraid to tell the other with whom you were sleeping?"

"Well, Harvey has done a lot of womanizing ever since I've known him and I knew about them. However, the longer relationships he never had to tell me. I just knew. However, Harvey can hide his feelings very, very well. He just simply shuts them off. He has not done that completely for a few years now ever since he had to care about someone else on a day to day basis which did have his selfish motives behind it.."

"Are you talking about Mike Ross now?"

Donna smiled. "I can see now why Harvey liked you. You are sort of like me from that perspective. Yes, I'm talking about Mike. Also, yes, I do have a hard time telling Harvey with whom I'm involved because he always made my life a living hell. I dated a British guy who was a lot like Harvey. He worked in our office as part a disastrous merger a few years ago and it turns out that Harvey was not ok with it. Recently I broke up with a man whom I dated for about six months. I had told Harvey about him in the beginning and Harvey did not really have a reaction maybe a mild look of regret in his eyes. I don't think anyone else would have seen it except me."

Donna placed another dish in the dishwasher and then stopped. She straightened up and looked at the smaller blonde woman sitting across from her perched on a chair chafing her arms with her bandaged wrists and hands.

As Donna was bending back up from placing a dish in the dishwasher, she smirked as she dried her hands with a dish towel. She gave Paula a quizzical look at what Paula had said a few minutes before it really dawned on her.

"What do you mean you gave Harvey an opening to end your relationship?" Donna asked in a serious tone. She wondered what Paula meant by it. _Maybe you should just let it go, Donna._

"I met him at the firm one night after he told me he was going to tell you about us. He apparently had had a bad day and he told me that he had not had a minute to tell you. I asked why he did not think it important that he tell you and he gave me some excuse. He then asked me if I was worried that he had feelings for you and I said, "of course, you have feelings for her. You had panic attacks after she left you . We would never have met had it not been for those feelings." He just ignored that I said it after that. Then later on that night he told me he told you and that you knew. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I thought that sounded kind of fishy."

Donna listened to what Paula said. _That's Harvey ignoring or shutting down anything that hurts too much. That's why he went to her instead of me. So what he told me was true. It has been me all along. I knew that, though...kinda. However, it is nice to get confirmation from the other woman..._

"Wait a minute, Paula. You knew he had feelings for me? He never acknowledged what those feelings entailed and yet you allowed yourself to become involved with him? Don't you think that was a tad irresponsible? I mean I called an old boyfriend out of the blue and went to lunch with him. It felt like we might reconnect and then he dropped the bomb he was unhappily married. He indecently proposed to me and I did not accept his proposal, but I was tempted. If you knew Harvey had feelings for me, why would you pursue a relationship with him?"

Paula sat back and with a mild glint of anger in her eyes, she said, "What difference does it make now? He admitted it's you he loves and wants."

"It matters a lot because it demonstrates that Harvey still was in an vulnerable position when he asked you out. He still needed help to come to terms with unresolved feelings not be catered to out of some fantasy that you had about him. You recognized transference, I'm sure, since you were aware of how I feel about him. I'm not a therapist and I know that," Donna said putting a hand to her head knowing for sure that this invitation was no more than analysis for Paula on how Harvey treated her differently than he would treat herself.

"Paula, I think Harvey and I should leave," Donna said.

Paula stood up and tried to reach out to Donna, so words between them would not lead to Paula losing Harvey as a friend.

Donna turning back on her heel stared down at the smaller woman and said with a threat.

"If you ever try to contact Harvey in any way and I find out about it, you can just slit your wrists so far that no one will save you."

Paula smiled and curled her lips. "I wondered how long it would take you to blame me for Harvey's lack of movement when it came to his feelings for you."

Donna slapped Paula across the cheek.

"Go to hell, Dr. Agard."

Donna stomped from the kitchen and grabbing her purse and coat went straight out the front door.

_H&D_

Harvey was actually relaxing enjoying watching the basketball game with the British twit when he heard the front door slam. Paula then came shakily into her den. Eddie immediately turned the television off and rising placed his beer (they had given up the wine) on the magazine coffee table in front of him immediately went to Paula and put his arm around her. Paula looked up at Harvey.

"Donna and I did not get along too well, Harvey. I think you had better leave now."

"Of course, I am sorry about this Paula. Donna really did want to be here."

Paula shook her head and said, "No need to apologize. It's not your fault or hers, I guess."

Harvey wanted to make an affectionate move toward her because she had helped him in a roundabout way, but instead he placed his almost finished beer next to Eddie's on the table, picked up his jacket from around the sofa and left swiftly. Paula and Eddie felt a whoosh of air as the front door slammed a second time behind Harvey.

He found Donna standing just outside the front door on the sidewalk.

"What the hell happened in there?" Harvey demanded.

Donna looked at Harvey and then shook her head back and forth quickly almost as if she were trying to shake the discomfort of her conversation with Paula away from her and Harvey into the air. However, Donna knew that if she did not say anything to Harvey, or, at least be straight with him, he would himself erect a wall or badger her until she confessed.

"Donna?" Harvey said as he placed his hands on each of her forearms and coercing her to look him in the eye.

"I discovered that Dr. Agard is an irresponsible therapist. She told me that she knew you had feelings for me and that you ignored the opening or decided to hide behind her. Were you that afraid that you would lose me professionally or personally? Why couldn't you be straight with me and tell me how you felt? I have waited for you to come to some kind of conclusion about how you feel for me, and then you finally get the opening for it and instead you transfer those feelings onto an almost stranger because she probably had some type of fantasy about you and it flattered your ego and your dick!" Donna loudly said and walked away from Harvey and down the street past where his car had been parked.

Harvey hurried down Paula's walk, stepped down the three steps to the sidewalk and called, "Donna! Donna!"

He than grimaced and curled up his mouth and ran after her. As he ran he shouted to her asking her where she was going.

"I'm calling a cab and going to my apartment to sleep!"

Harvey had caught up to her and grabbed her phone before she could dial a number.

"No, you're not. You are coming home with me and we are going to sleep in my bed together because I no longer can stand you too far away. What difference does any of this make? I can forget Paula. I just thought we could all come to some closure, but I see that won't happen. Are you going to react to every woman I've been with like this?" Harvey asked holding her forearms so she could not get away. He smiled and turned his head to the side continuing to smirk at her.

Donna looked up at Harvey and kissed him on the cheek.

"Ok, so I overreacted. However, I don't regret kissing you. It turns out I had to do what you were scared to do. I know one thing I don't want you having anything to do with Paula Agard ever again."

Harvey raised his hands in a placating manner. "Done."

They turned around and walked hand in hand back to Harvey's car.

Before they made it back to the car, Harvey turned to look at his girlfriend/colleague whatever her 'status' was to him and asked, "Donna."

She turned and looked at Harvey. She knew what was coming.

"You didn't slap her or anything, did you?"

"No, I threatened and then I slapped her."

Harvey was not sure how to feel. Harvey's reaction at Donna sleeping with Stephen Huntley and then discovering the betrayal of Stephen had made Donna feel she had also betrayed Harvey. Harvey, in no uncertain terms, had made it plain to Donna that he did not blame Donna for the Essington Oil case problems by beating the crap out of Stephen Huntley in the firm's men's room. If he remembered correctly, the last time Harvey saw Stephen in prison, Stephen possessed a permanent scar above his eyebrow resulting from where the shattered glass from the men's room mirror fell on him.

They arrived back at the car and Harvey leaned on it with his back against it. Donna stood in front of him. He slid his arms down hers and came to hold her hands with his own. He took a look at Paula's house and then smiled.

"You know you can't blame the woman for fantasizing about me and then entrapping me. You know I'm irresistible."

Donna gave a shrug and a smirk.

"I don't blame Paula. I blame you and that infinitely large ego of yours."

Harvey smiled. "Hey, you know you love it."

Donna leaned against him and she felt his arms clasp her around the small of her back. She, in turn, put her arms around his neck.

"It's you, Harvey Specter, the man inside that I've known for fourteen years that I love. Not your ego, buster."

They then kissed deeply.

Unknowingly, Dr. Paula Agard was watching them from her top floor bedroom window.

She regretted nothing.


End file.
